Chilled day today :) But, I broke a rule of my own.

I caved in when it came to drinking fizzy drinks. I told myself I’d only have one a day, but today I had two. I knew that I wouldn’t stick to it. I have to though if I want a slim waist because that is what was adding inches onto it. And, if I’m seriously thinking about going into modelling then I need to look a certain way. I’m always going to be on the curvy side. But, slim curvy is how you need to be in order to be successful in that field. I’m basically looking at any kind of work that I can do freelance. I won’t get a lot of extra cash but it’s in the limits of what I’m allowed to earn on the benefit which I receive.

I’m only doing tasteful modelling. That means clothed and depending on the outfit is whether I’ll say yes or no to the job. I wouldn’t be considering it if I didn’t like being photographed. It will be more like a hobby to me because I’m too short for it to be a career. Let’s face the facts, you have to be very lucky to make it in modelling and as a writer. It’s not something that is easy to pull off because you’re either one or the other. It’s hard to excel at both because on one end of the scale you’re trying to keep your weight down, and on the other end, you’re trying to keep up your standard of writing. I know that my standard of writing has gone down recently. It’s hard to focus when you’re sent home with no medication for nearly a fortnight.

It is difficult to even get out of bed without my anti depressants at the moment, let alone string a coherent sentence together. I’m trying to get through the withdrawals and see my GP as soon as possible. I don’t want to rely on medication if I don’t need to do so. I’m looking into alternatives but it’s going to not be pleasant for the next week in regards to withdrawal symptoms from not being sent home with any medication. This is the first time in my life where I haven’t taken any type of medication for an extended amount of time. It’s hard because my body isn’t used to it. I won’t feel this way for too much longer because I’ll be properly detoxed after about a month.