I need a few days break to sort things out. Life is rather ‘up in the air’ right now.

I’m off of the blog for a few days because I have a lot to sort out. I have some freelance work to complete. I’m trying to get my property back from various places. This is probably going to take me most of the week. I’m also very tired and will need a break in between everything. I literally haven’t stopped since I got released. I’m exhausted. It’s even more of a strain when you do not have a car to use because my keys aren’t with me right now. I could catch the bus but I’m limited on cash until I get my personal property back. I’ve had to borrow money until I’ve got everything sorted. Bus fare is quite expensive when you’re trying to make a certain amount of cash last the whole week. I can’t get my own cash out of the bank because I haven’t got my debit card or driving licence (which I use as ID if I lose my card or something).

It is quite a stressful time for me right now. I’m hoping that everything comes together but I’m getting really anxious that it won’t. I can’t fully relax until I know what is properly happening. Bank holiday falling when it did after I got out on appeal didn’t help when it came to getting my property sent back to me. I should have my mobile back either Tuesday or Wednesday. I will reply to anything on it by the end of the week. I will also be getting my other laptop back at the same time. If anyone has emailed my yahoo email then, for security reasons, I can only access it either my other laptop or mobile app. It’s due to yahoo’s new security system which requires a mobile phone to register a device as safe to pick up mail. It sends a code to the phone and matches it with your devices that you wish to use. It’s annoying when it comes to using public computers to try to check your email or others that you haven’t set up. I will try to answer any emails on my yahoo address by the end of this week. That email doesn’t get so busy with spam so it shouldn’t take long to go through that one.

I haven’t felt too great all day. I think I’ve pushed myself too hard already. I’m way too driven sometimes for my own good. It’s a positive trait to have unless you take it to extremes (which is what I have done the last couple of days). I am aware that it isn’t humanly possible to do everything that needs doing at once but, because I’m constantly thinking I have to catch up with life things, I feel like I should be doing what needs doing as quickly as possible. I feel responsible for everything and everyone because that is the type of person that I am. I take my responsibilities seriously, even though sometimes it may not seem like I do. I’m losing a lot of sleep over worrying about not getting things back from the prison which are important to me. I literally can’t do a lot until my valuables are sent to me. Even the things in my cell I really don’t want to get lost as my tinted glasses for my autism sensory issues were £95. I’m hoping that my property from my cell is bagged up somewhere safe because I also have important paperwork in there. I don’t want my private stuff getting lost either within the prison or post system. I may seem like the kind of person who doesn’t give a crap about privacy. However, I do. In this case I do because I’m desperately trying to keep the balance between my private and outside life here.

I don’t have a problem with people knowing publically that I have been imprisoned. I do not care what people assume due to that information. I have learned from my experience and will be trying not to put a foot wrong in the future. The experience has actually helped me in a way. It does act as a deterrent if you’re the kind of person that finds living that routine hell on earth. A few weeks in there, I found myself unable to think properly at times. I felt like a zombie that had to follow the crowd at specific times. I don’t like being around people much anyway because of my past. I didn’t go out socially in 2 years because I got too scared to be around others. I’m over that now because I was forced into that situation. I feel like I’ve overcome those issues just by being thrown in that environment. I had to verbally communicate and be around others whether I liked it or not. I feel bad for not saying bye as I left really early for court because the video link was cancelled due to our court not having the facilities. I wrote a letter but I never got anyone’s prison number so whether they ever get it or not. I put the wing number on it and their name. They said they’d write back so I guess I they didn’t get it if I hear nothing after a few weeks. Letters don’t always get passed on if you do not have the persons inmate number. I’m hoping that it gets passed on because it has the wing and name of the person on there.

Anyway, I have to go sort things out because no one is going to just hand me everything on a plate. I wanted to be a star as a teenager, no one came up to me and made me one. I could model but it’s hard to get into and I really don’t want to do some of the things I’ve already done because they aren’t morally right.

2 responses to “I need a few days break to sort things out. Life is rather ‘up in the air’ right now.”

  1. “I think I’ve pushed myself too hard already”

    A lot of ASD people do that, I think. It’s so hard to switch off. But you must, as best you’re able: the rest of the world can wait, don’t burn yourself out trying to get everything done by yesterday because nearly all of it isn’t as urgent as it so often seems; in fact most of it isn’t that important at all. Most people will understand if you’re not there for them straight away, and if some don’t… should you even care what they think?

    Hope you get your stuff sorted out soon (I mean your own stuff that you actually need!) and give yourself time just to breathe.

    And hopefully that didn’t sound too militant: “I really need a break, oh here comes somebody telling me what to do, just what I need!” 😀


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