A quiet but beautiful bank holiday Sunday :)

I know that it’s raining which is our normal bank holiday weather. I’m overlooking that and chilling out today. The weather doesn’t matter to me. I’m out of prison. That is the most important thing to me at this moment in time. I would like to apologise for all the things that I did in the past, even though I never meant to act in those ways. I was young and immature. That inappropriateness will NEVER happen again after my wake up call. I never want to go back to an environment like that again. I won’t even break the law by speeding now or anything I know is illegal. I’m not taking that risk. I will probably become one of those boring people (Roy Cropper Coronation Street) that will not take ANY risks in life. It’s better than the alternative though.

I’ve always been too honest for my own good. That is something I’m going to cut back on. I’m not going to be dishonest. I’m just not going to be a ‘open’ as I have been about personal aspects of my life. I’m unable to lie. I’m that kind of person. When I used to give people psychic readings it was very difficult when I picked up something bad either using the cards or clairvoyant skills. The rules of the industry is that you do NOT tell people that something bad is coming directly. There were people coming for readings asking me whether they’d ever have a child of their own due to fertility problems etc. I picked up that they’d never have their own child. I had to skip around the details and suggest that if they don’t manage to get pregnant then there is always adoption. I didn’t like giving people false hope if it wasn’t their ‘destiny’.

It is cruel. I’ve been scammed by psychics who gave me false hope and now I’m financially struggling because I was conned out of all my savings (which was originally medical compensation). It isn’t nice to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing. I got kicked off the site I worked for because I questioned their morals after that happened to me. I reported them and they didn’t like it but our authorities couldn’t do anything about it because the site wasn’t based in the UK.

I’ve learned some very hard lessons over the years, but it’s made me who I am. Prison actually made me mature because I knew that I had to get my act together and rely on myself instead of others. The opinions of others are never going to give me a happy life. I’ll be trying to constantly live up to expectation which cause me extreme stress. I’m a very spiritual person. I was in the cell waiting for my appeal on my own but I knew I wasn’t alone. I believe in angels and I left it up to them to grant me my freedom. I wrote in the notebook they gave me while I was inside that I’d learned my lesson but I was leaving it up to the angels to decide if my karma was now spent. I promised that I’d spend my life doing things to help others not end up in that situation if I was freed. I meant every word.

I know that I’m going to have to do a hell of a lot to prove that I have completely changed my way of thinking for many people who know my past actions. Life is a blessing, every day is a gift. It’s not worth wasting on stupid things. They never seem stupid until after they’re over. However, in the grand scale of things, they were pathetic. I should have let things go but I didn’t and I paid for it.

2 thoughts on “A quiet but beautiful bank holiday Sunday :)

  1. That thing you say about being too honest for your own good; I think that is very much a typical ASD thing. We’re open, straightforward, and actually I quite like that. I’ve been told by others it’s a “charming” trait and similar words. But at the same time, it seems to make some people very uncomfortable. I don’t really understand that; well, I *do*, but I think it’s wrong and I think it demonstrates and bit of a sickness with our society that compels people to be cagey and evasive. Trouble is, as so many ASD people find out the hard way, if you don’t follow the rules of the club, you’re often ostracised. Even if the rules are arbitrary and stupid. But that’s the way it is. It paranoid we’re constantly being fed by the media seems to be a major factor there: not the only one, but they’re responsible for so much of today’s general malaise. I guess it’s just another variant of the divide-and-conquer strategy.

    But what to do? I’m often of the opinion that if you give in, they’ve won, and I hate that idea: the bloody-minded part of me hates the idea of “them” winning, but in particular I also hate the idea of compromising myself and having to suppress my freedom of expression. Again, the ASD angle: expressing myself is hard enough without this sort of stuff being trowelled on top of it.

    Anyway. I have no experience of your recent trauma and I could and probably will write at length elsewhere about that particular thing but… well, I get what you mean about not wanting to put a foot wrong. Much of it not wanting to revisit that part of your life, some of it out of personal pride, maybe. But never stop being you, y’know?

    And as for the weather… it’s a bank holiday, and concurrent fine weather would break the universe. It’s the way of things. But actually I don’t mind the rain: the garden needs a drink and at least the weather is doing something! And I don’t need to go out. Heavy rain is awesome when I’m indoors comfortable in the knowledge I can stay here. Yeah, I could go and splash in puddles but I’d fall over and land on my arse and be in a mood. So as funny as that might be for everyone else, I’m staying safely ensconced in my lair!

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    1. Er, and I apologise to anyone attempting to follow my errant grammar. Sometimes stuff doesn’t quite make it from my head into actual prose without accumulating assorted randomness on the way. I never quite understood the phrase, “more haste less speed”, but I suspect it’s the sort of thing my granny would’ve said.

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