I went out for the first time in ages tonight. And, made a huge step today.

After the last 5 years, with first my son being adopted and then all the university and court stuff … I went out for the first time socially tonight in all those years. It was hard because my social anxiety has become rock bottom but I went for it. I admit that I had a bit ‘Dutch courage’ but I went out to socialise and I’m glad that I did. I’m still a bit fragile and it makes up for the lack of social confidence that I have due to everything. I certainly do not like drinking anymore though. I really hate the after effects of the hang overs which seem to get worse with age. I didn’t drink excessively but I know I’m going to wake up with a raging hang over. I haven’t drank alcohol for a very long time. I am not used to it.

I also went to see someone about a work programme that give ex offenders a chance. I have to go to employability training next week (mandatory in regards to whatever kind of work experience you get allocated). That is basically our project leader talking at us about the do’s and don’ts in our work placements and encouraging interaction between us. I’m doing office and admin work because that is where most of my qualifications are focused around. I then get introduced to where I’ll be working for my two week placement via a key link with that company, administration paperwork gets done and dusted. Then I am given a mentor to show me the ropes and they’re hope by the second week that all the tasks you’ve been introduced to is using your initiative enough to do tasks unguided. Then, depending on your performance, you’re either offered a job or not with that company. Apparently, 2 thirds of the 95% that went on the programme last year now have full time jobs. I don’t think I could handle full time because of my health problems, so I’d be happy even to get part time hours as at least I still qualify for help with housing benefit then and don’t get so much tax/insurance stoppages.

Strange things seem to happen around me. You know how I said that the fire alarm went off during the middle of my law gcse exam. Well, at the end of my meeting with the work programme manager today, the fire alarm at that building went off. Luckily, we had just finished our meeting though and was on our way out the building anyway. Anyway, my homework from that meeting is to get my C.V done by the end of the week and sent to him and his secretary because of the kind of work I’d like to have experience in. Apparently, if it was manual labour, then it wouldn’t be of such importance, however, I’m literally showing off my skills by C.V paperwork for any type of admin or office type job. 

I’m also doing various articles for places for small fees just to survive. A bit of modelling if it comes into my inbox via the casting agency and is local. I’m also trying to become an arty kind of person. For instance, I colour coded my hair and make up because I feel that this is a great way to express myself. It’s showing individuality and completely is in line with our #neurodiversity and #takingoffthemask campaigns via Twitter. Those that have known me for many years will know that I don’t wear make up or really bother being ‘creative’ with my looks. One day, I woke up and just felt like I had to show who I was on the outside after everyone started talking about ‘taking off their autistic masks’ and presenting who they really are… well…. I am really the person that you see at the top of this site. Admittedly, I’m not good at drawing art work, but when it comes to colour I am talented. These nails that I did myself below (on myself) was mistaken for a professional salon type nails. (see photo below). And I did my own hair colour and make up blend in the photo header.