Well, I must remind myself never to be callow again…

Today has taught me that I am still just as wet behind the ears when it comes to life experience. I’m never being unquestioning or unsuspecting of anywhere I have something to do with again. I have been so absent-minded about others deliberateness to unwarily make my life more difficult. As far as I’m aware there have been some very thoughtless decisions made by those around me which I thought that I could depend on. It seems as if I am so easily double-crossed because I think so unambiguous. I seemed to be of the opinion that others had some understanding of certain things I did NOT want them to do.

I made it plainly clear without any much of a doubt that I do not trust the system. I firmly believe that I am safer both mentally and physically away from it. Those are based on my experiences growing up. I am both selective and wary of who I let fully in my life and if someone manages to meet the criteria that makes me trust them, then they are truly one of my ‘trusted people’. I seem to be a very diabolical judge of character in recent years. I have only noticed recently that some of my ‘friends’ I thought were sound, were actually complete and utter users. I never used to notice that as a younger adult. It was like being blind to the wickedness within other people. It seems that some others will attack people for absolutely no reason even if they haven’t been wronged. I’ve read some horrendous things in the newspapers recently which have happened locally. I don’t know how some people can even call themselves human. I was at least remorseful for things I’ve said in Autism meltdowns and actually care. 

Anyway, now it seems as if I will have to change GP’s because others are delving into parts of my life where I do not wish them to tread. I don’t buy the bit about my doctor ringing me up today to see what they can do about my mental health. I know where that leads when people start interfering (whether intentionally or unintentionally). At the end of the day, I don’t believe that others care about me or my needs whatsoever. The only things that matter in this society is rules and regulations that professionals sign to cover their own asses in case anything happens. And, they only think about themselves. We don’t mean a thing to them and I’m never believing that another will ever care about me. I firmly believe that everyone is out for themselves and I do not need them complicating my life any more and making it a living hell as they’ve already done. They’ve got no idea about the complexities of having one or more disability combined.

I’d rather be safe as when I was a child I got wrongly diagnosed with Epilepsy, medicated with mind zombifying drugs which could have contributed to my behavioural problems because they started after I was taken off of that medication. I have been treated horrendously by the mental health ‘system’, shoved into hospital and then residential care. And, had my son removed by our cruel system because I wasn’t able to meet their criteria to be a Mother due to their ‘guidelines’. So, I’m sorry. I no longer buy the crap that others care after everything I’ve been subjected through. I’d have been safer on my own and having trusted no one else in my life.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

%d bloggers like this: