I am technically still on my break, but a few things need to be said at this point before others really make me feel ten times worse than I already do (which is why I need this break). Twice I have had someone ring my door buzzer over the last few weeks. Their energy feels okay, meaning non threatening (intuitive part of me can tell that). However, I do not want anyone ringing my door buzzer or indeed coming to my home. That is my place where I get away from everyone. I need to feel safe there. People attempting to communicate with me is making me feel unsafe. I have high anxiety so please don’t take it personally.
I was even anxious last night because I heard noises in my flat when I knew the cats were out. It didn’t happen for long but I live on my own and I am one of those people that can feel things (spoken about my experiences on here previously). If I was my normal self I’d just go to investigate the noise but last night I just froze while in bed hoping that it would stop of it’s own accord. I’m including the spirit world and anything on the invisible plane that most people can’t see in this complete ban from my home. I know that people assume that I’m mentally ill, but some of these things are very real. I’m not crazy for things I’ve seen with my own eyes. Whether you’re dead, living or random floating around energy, I just want them to stay away. I have always been a very open person (much to my downfall throughout my life), but I cannot be so openly receptive to everything right now. It is hell feeling everything and everyone’s energy. I used to cope with being bombarded left, right and centre. However, recently my capacity to be able to not get drained from it all has gone down severely. Age and health problems mean I can no longer act as a sponge to things. I’m quiet in every day life but I am the kind of person that notices everything. I know things before I’m even told at times.
I just need to disconnect from it all and I can’t if people randomly drop round my flat. Every individual and situation has energy surrounding it. I can’t be around that most of the time right now. I also have extremely good hearing (part of my autism) and heard exactly what the person said to my neighbour who they also buzzed upstairs. I have now instructed everyone that I know not to discuss me with other people. I do not know my neighbour upstairs. I only see the people living on my side of the block in passing. I know my neighbours faces but I couldn’t tell you their names, and those in my block couldn’t tell you mine either. Incidentally, I was also woken up by the person this morning as I was trying to nap because I do not sleep well at night right now. I get very anxious to the point where I start shaking and I’m certainly not going to be able to nap for the whole of today now.
The system has proven itself to be abusive. This is why everyone I know is instructed not to give any information over about me. The fact that I was an open person has been majorly abused by those working in the system. I may be depressed and live constantly anxious, but I’d rather be dead than rely on another because everyone that I’ve ever trusted has either let me down or hurt me. I’m now a private person who doesn’t like interference whatsoever. Remember I’ve done my law gcse this year. I am now fully aware of my rights and will potentially use one of them to get anyone removed from outside my property attempting to communicate with me. It is trespassing to the person and also the land that the flats occupy is trespass to the property. I don’t want to have to be hard on people but I will do that if others don’t heed my wishes for space at the moment. This request for space is a long term thing. Absolutely no one is welcome at my home. If I need to see anyone (on my terms) then I will meet them out in the community if required. I’m not deviating from this decision at any point.
Those that made me like this throughout my life are responsible for these strict boundaries I’m willing to enforce legally if my requests are ignored and it is the only option to get people to adhere to my wishes and needs.