I had a reasonable sleep but I still woke up extremely tired. I am very depressed because that tiredness feels like a huge weight on top of me. I’ve actually got to the point that I would rather be dead. I feel stuck in life because of my financial issues caused by the drop in benefits. I struggle also with social anxiety because of the things I’ve been through. I no longer go out socially but even if I wanted to now I couldn’t afford to go out. I don’t feel isolated because I prefer my own company. It’s less stressful than mixing with others.
It is hard enough trying to overcome physical illness. I try to carry on but I get overwhelmingly tired. I’m not able to have a break because I live on my own so I rely on myself to get every thing done. I am quite independent because I cannot rely on my family and don’t really do friends after negative experiences. In life you have to learn that you have to rely on yourself because at least then you will not get let down. If I had never trusted another person in my entire life then I wouldn’t have been labelled a criminal. I would rather be dead right now. I simply feel like every day is an uphill struggle and all the odds are firmly set against me. I am not a person who gives up easily but I feel like this will always be my life and I don’t want that. However, I cannot change aspects of it that easily unless people give me a chance. I just feel that everyone looks at me as scum because they do not understand PDA type autism.