I just have to say a few things because it’s really frustrating saying it several times during different conversations with other people. I know that I am confusing to others but I’m going to try to explain this as simply as possible. I do care about others but I do not enjoy socialising. I am most likely like that because of my experiences but this is how I am as a person. If I try to do social things when I am really not in the right frame of mind, then I can slip into a meltdown so easily. I’m protecting others as well as myself from avoiding meltdown triggers.
I’m still quite affected by things that have happened to me in the past. That isn’t a choice. I spend my life feeling on edge and scared at the slightest noise. I end up with migraines if I stay in that state of mind too often during the day. I put on a brave face okay but inside I suffer. I have always been that way which explains why things have happened. I can explain my condition to others but I cannot help them to understand it. I will not stand people calling me stupid and that I’m my own worse enemy because I don’t want to socialise a lot. The condition that I have is of a pathological nature and that certainly isn’t easy to over come, especially with the bad experiences I’ve already had. If I had any positive experiences in life then it would be a lot easier. However, I was always a magnet for abuse from other people. So much so that I thought that is how you lived life. I didn’t realise that I had just been a target for some horrible individuals.