I’m going to lose sleep until I say what I truly need.

I’m not trying to be difficult here. I just have to say how I feel and what I need in the long term. I am losing so much sleep over it and it’s not fair on me. I’m left on anti depressants because I was instructed not to appeal a permanent university exclusion by my support service even though that was the total opposite of what I wanted. That is what sent me into the meltdown which caused everything to go completely haywire. I can’t help needing what I need. I have tried to forget everything but more than anything I wanted to go back. I always did which is why I ended up in melt down mode. Others have now made sure that things are beyond repair now so I can never go back. And I can’t sleep properly until someone does the right thing. I haven’t barely slept in 2 and a half years. All because of how things went and what I really wanted but was told to tell the university I didn’t want to appeal exclusion. I really did and it caused that meltdown due to a build up of anxiety and self hatred. No one will ever forgive me because they have no idea about how I was being pushed from all angles.