I really cannot put the housework off any longer. I’ve avoided it for a few days but then it gets a larger because everything builds up. Then it feels worse to actually do it. I hate myself because I feel lazy for not doing the bits that need doing. However, I actually get exhausted just by thinking about doing it. It is really irritating when the mess and dirt in places is making me feel a mess but I can’t bring myself to tidy or clean my flat. It’s not like I can afford a cleaner either, so at some point I have to kick my bum and make myself just do it. I could easily go for a nap right now but I know the first thing that needs putting in the washing is the bed lining I’m sitting on top of while typing this entry.
I really do need to make myself do it. I just had two Pigeons crash into my window while fighting. One bird flying into the window is a bad enough omen. However, two doing it is a very rare thing. I’m used to having horrendous luck anyway. I get scared every time I see one Magpie. I truly have become to believe that I was born with some dark energy attached to me. I am convinced that it caused everything that happened to me and happened around me in my life. There is absolutely no other explanation for the extreme amount of bad luck I had since a child. As far as superstition goes in regards to birds actually flying into the windows I do remember one flying into my parents bedroom shortly before my Dad passed away. And I actually had one fly into my bedroom window and fly around my room before the neighbour next door passed away. I barely knew my neighbour but it was actually on the same day as that happened.
I’ve always known that things were ‘around me’. I used to get woken up by a dark shadow figure which I’m sure is the spirit that my Mother and her stupid friends let out of that Ouija board when they were younger. It doesn’t wake me up anymore since I told it basically get lost in a lot stronger language. I know that if it was a dark spirit then it couldn’t help the karma (bad luck for us living) that it carried around with it. I’m sure that the soul didn’t like being trapped in that existence. I just do not wish to have negative energy lingering around me. It weighs me down because I am a person that can feel things. Certain energies that are quite heavy either from other people or spirits feel like a huge weight on top of me. I’ve had those that aren’t sensitive tell me that I’m feeling things that aren’t there. I know what I feel and if it’s bad it weighs me down. We all have energy around us. There are many that can feel it, like myself, and many that are unaware of it. We are all born with these abilities but a lot of us lose it because we are far too wrapped up in our lives. I’ve kept it mostly because I have a very solitary life and my home is full of animals (3 cats).
Anyway, I seriously need to do the housework now before I start the whole cycle of avoidance again after I wake up tomorrow morning. I am tired though. I think I went to sleep about 6 and then woke up about 11. I’m really starting to feel the lack of sleep after a long walk.