I can’t stand things right now. I don’t like being able to constantly feel things.

Those that have known me for a long period of time will know that I pick up everything like a sponge and it affects me quite badly. I feel overwhelmed by things coming in from all directions at the moment. I need a break. I don’t get one because I can barely sleep due to things coming into my head. I wish that there was a way to just switch it off or numb myself enough to not pick things up.

I’m connected naturally to everything and I hate it. I’ve felt so wound up all day. Although, that could be time of the month too. I’m exhausted but I’m still wound up… how on earth I can be both at the same time is absolutely confusing. The things that have happened around me for my entire life, not just the last few years, are constantly there waking me up. I feel others feelings and random stuff just pops into my head and it’s so annoying. I’m not mad. Some people can do this and it is a source of torment for them. They also get called mad by other people. And, sometimes when I just know something, others think I’ve been snooping around to fish for information. I literally haven’t. I know it’s hard to believe that things just pop into my head. However, this has always been a part of my life. I am not the only one who experiences this sort of thing. I’ve met others a lot older than me who experienced this from a young age. They were just as irritated by it as a younger person. It ruins relationships, makes going out even difficult because even just walking down the street you pick things up. It’s hell going into a crowded area because you get overwhelmed by everything off of people in there.

I have two out of three cats in out of this storm. Mimi went out earlier and has disappeared. Mimi and Mister had a falling out scrap earlier after I got home and she’s walked off somewhere. Unless she goes under something she’s going to be soaked in this weather. I’m surprised she hasn’t come back because of the thunder. The other two cats seem to be scared of it. Dave decided he wanted to go outside to look at the flashes of light until the rain came lashing down and it’s raining so badly now that it’s thudding on the windows and pavement. I opened the back window trying to find her but it was splashing into my face off the windowsill it was so heavy. It’s like being in a car wash at the moment. I think we have a few storms coming from more than one direction and meeting in the middle because the force of this one can’t only be caused by one storm going over. I’ve never seen rain this heavy since the hail stones that came down the other year. The thunder is getting louder so it’s probably going over us now. 

On a positive note, I’ve lost another 2lbs this week. I’m now 9 stone 8lbs. I haven’t even tried to lose anymore weight this week. It helps a lot if you do not stress about shedding lbs because they just tend to cling on. I’ve rested this week because last week my exams got me quite stressed. I needed to chill before I over did it and crumbled. It’s better not to over exercise because then if you have a period of not being able to exercise on a regular basis your metabolism will slow down and you’ll gain weight again. It’s about keeping the balance right. I always have my anorexic friend in my head because she went through hell and she used to say to me that all she saw was fat (she was the size of a 7 year old). I don’t want to get to that point where I see myself as fat but am actually underweight. I’m in the healthy range at this moment in time.  I was slightly over weight when I began trying to lose the weight. I had let myself go and was eating a load of crap like muffins and chocolate on a regular basis. The Gym wasn’t working because I was eating more calories than burning them. I totally agree with the theory that once you’re used to not eating so much of those things, you’ll not want those things as much. I no longer crave sweet things as much now. 

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