Loving the Sunshine!!! Forced myself to ‘perk up a bit’.

I slept in today but I eventually managed to perk myself up a bit. How can you not in the beautiful warm sunshine out there? I went for a little walk but with my skin it is better to not go for long walks at the times when the sun is strongest. I did because of the time I got up today (needed that lay in today), but I only walked for an hour. When I say long walks it means two and a half hours minimum. I don’t feel like I got burnt today so that is something to be glad about. I got so sore last time it got hot because it burnt me quite badly in places. I still feel extremely tired but I’m trying to fight it. I watched that Korean Comedy Drama on Netflix that I have got into. I have just finished watching the 4th episode of that one.

I tried that Mane & Tail Shampoo and Conditioner (people were raving about this horse product a few years ago). The one I bought was the deep moisturising ones. I have seen a noticeable difference after just one use. I actually feel like I have a mane now because it feels a lot thicker. It does get a bit sweaty having thick hair left down in this weather. I have put it up in a pony tail so that it’s not dangling around my face or down my back making me sweaty. I may just discontinue using all my other products because this stuff made my hair feel clean. There was absolutely no build up. I find that some shampoos/conditioners leave a coating in my hair. The fact that my hair is coarse and thick means that so many things get stuck in my hair. It’s not just chemical build up. After I’ve walked for a few hours I came back to find leaves in my hair or blossom etc. Oh and don’t even get me started about when it gets wet in rain. It dries frizzy after I get caught in the rain.

I have been so durr brained this week. I haven’t even remembered to check how much petrol I have in the car to get to my Maths lesson tomorrow morning. I am not keen on walking from and to where I park tomorrow morning because it’s going to be raining. I’m just glad that it isn’t last week because those exams were extremely stressful and I felt that I hadn’t stopped all that week. I know that this sounds boring but I plan to sleep a lot of the summer break. That’s providing I don’t have work experience via the organisation which probation has referred me too. I really want to get into work due to all these benefit cuts and changes to feel more financially secure. I will get up when I have plans unless my anxiety is high enough that I can’t go out. I’m working on that issue so that I don’t get affected by my anxiety as much. I need to have it down to a minimum so the odd day off ‘sick’ once a year or something won’t add up to an issue. I don’t want to be having time off once a week or something because of anxiety levels going sky high.

I’m not a lazy person. I may have never had a formal job but I’m the kind of person who gets fulfilment in life by working on things. I get absolutely no pleasure from sitting back and enjoying leisure time. I never have done even as a child. I always wanted a purpose and for life to have some kind of meaning. I get into more trouble if I feel like life is meaningless because that causes frustration to me. I got to be management at Fledglings in only 3 months after starting as a feedback volunteer. I haven’t had time to be around much on there for the last couple of weeks due to exams but I am on the rota 3 days a week regularly normally. I never used to be into arty kind of things but my life has kind of just taken this direction recently. I may only be able to make money in that way or by writing books etc if employment doesn’t work out for me.

I can hear the rain lashing down outside. I’m hoping that it isn’t like this in the morning. If I didn’t park so far away to avoid parking charges then it wouldn’t feel like such an issue to me. On a positive note, the bank holiday is going to be quite hot. I’m going to try to get my legs to get some kind of colour on them rather than being ‘lily white’. I wasn’t born with this complexion. I have darker skin on my baby photos, in fact, it doesn’t even look like me. I had black hair when I was born too. I don’t know what happened, but by the time I was two my hair was light brown to natural blond and as I got older it went darker again. I’m not as pale as I used to be nowadays… so again I think my body is changing it’s mind. I haven’t previously been able to tan but I’m getting some kind of colour which isn’t red burn on my arms and around my neck where I’ve had my skin exposed to the sun while we’ve had the lovely hot weather. I have such messed up genetics because I am a mongrel due to the mixture I have in me. They really don’t know which ones they want to dominate in the looks department. You’d think by the age of 30 they’d have made their minds up what colour hair and skin tone is going to be a permanent feature.