I’m just taking time out of exam revision for a few hours. I am at the point where I’m no longer taking any information in. I’m quite tired because I woke up at a stupid hour this morning (due to one of the cats waking me up) and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I am going to attempt to have a nap because I don’t think I can concentrate on what I’m trying to learn for my exam in 2 days. Unit 2 is a lot harder because the laws, defences to answer questions on the scenario in the exam question. I find application quite challenging because I forget a lot of information. I’m trying to reserve as much energy as possible (because as regular readers are aware, I do not have much energy at times) in order to make sure my memory doesn’t let me down in the exam. I only went for a short walk today when I went to the doctors to have my blood test this morning.
I don’t watch the wright stuff much nowadays, but I caught a bit of it earlier. I’m either not up when I am at home or out doing things. I saw the bit about shops wanting to charge more for plus sized clothing. I have always disliked the fact that, as someone who is petite, I have been charged more for petite ranges of clothing than the ones with what they class as ‘normal’ measurements. I have to buy petite trousers because the normal length ones always drag on the ground unless I wear heels or wedges (which nowadays isn’t something I do regularly).
I’m absolutely fed up of hearing about ‘the royal wedding’. I do not know the couple and have no interest in the royal family so I just have absolutely no desire to hear all the talk about upcoming events. It kind of makes me feel quite down because I know that I’ll never get married. I don’t even wish to get married. I have no desire in that area. However, I don’t like others ramming their weddings and relationships down my throat in any shape or form. This is what I feel like it does with all the press coverage. Some of us are destined to be alone and will never have all that is being promoted right now. I never used to want to accept that, however, I matured and now have learned to accept that I probably will never have a relationship. I don’t feel like I have to make a compulsory effort if I’m not comfortable anymore though.
I don’t want to force any interactions because that is never a good way to form relationships or even maintain them. I simply can’t be who I am not. And anyway, I’m stupid when it comes to love etc. I still have feelings for someone who doesn’t want to ever see me again and I know they’re in a relationship with another. I must have been deluded and naïve in the first place to fall in love with them after how I ended up getting treated. We never know what we’re getting ourselves into until we’re in too deep and catch feelings. I will always have that hope that they change their mind in regards to me. I would take friendship because I respect that they are with another and it is in serious relationship territory. I know that they could never love me because I am just not someone who could ever be loved. I will always care though.