I’m not ‘okay’.

I am very tired and this has been building for many months. I’ve been struggling to cope with how things remain and the guilt that I carry because of those things. I put on a brave face but I remain torn up inside over everything. I was able to do that until I ended up this tired. I do sleep most of the time now. I’m just worn out emotionally from everything that has happened. I act harder so that people don’t notice but I sometimes cry when I get home. I mean the floods of tears type crying, not just the odd tear.

I don’t want to push others to draw a line under certain situations by changing how things remain. But, I’m suffering quite a lot. Others basically told me I had to put up with how things were. So, I did go and carry on as normal. However, I have got to the point where I am truly exhausted. I am worn out from trying to carry on as normal when things are still continuing to eat away at me. It’s not like I haven’t tried but it’s always there nagging in the back of my head. The guilt won’t leave me. I never knew certain things which is how everything became to be. But, that still doesn’t stop me feeling like an evil person. That is the worse part of it while things remain as they are. I don’t feel like I can move on properly because to me I’m an evil person while the status of things are as they remain.

I am extremely tired because of putting on the brave face for months. I have tried to carry on with life as normal. The guilt is the main thing that has really ground me down. It’s unfair and impossible for me to have to live like this any longer. It’s slowly pushing me into breakdown mode. I can feel it pushing me to the point where I am so tired I’ll just try to end my pain again. I can’t end the pain while I still exist because of how things remain. It’s always there and the guilt eats away at me while the status is as it remains. I need to be set free. It’s humiliating enough for me that psychics scammed me and took nearly all of my savings during the whole thing. If they hadn’t told me lies then I’d probably never have done half of the things I did. I feel humiliated as well as guilty and that is a horrible feeling.