I watched Coronation Street tonight. I have actually known a few cases of suicide in real life. That happens when you’re part of the system which is letting people down left, right and centre. I don’t really like talking about it because I’ve been at the point where I’d rather be gone than deal with what has been happening in life. I tried to take my own life about 9 months ago. That was a mixture of being let down and things that were going on. It feels like the only way to turn off everything you’re finding hard or unpleasant to deal with at the time.
It is important to not hide these things. I still have times where I start thinking that I just cannot be bothered here anymore. I know the warning signs that I’m going the wrong way again. A few months before I get into that frame of mind I start to feel tired and want to sleep a lot. I’m a bit like that at the moment. The things that happened still are affecting me. I feel like I’m an awful person because of things I did when I wasn’t aware of the full facts. I have ended up hating myself. I’m desperate for things not to stay the way they are now long term. It’s horrible with things remaining the way that they are right now. I can’t be at peace until I don’t feel so evil due to what happened. I will always hate myself.
In regards to this area in general. They have a lot of blood on their hands resulting from suicides after they failed people. I saw it first hand for many years while living here. Those individuals were failed from an early age. They were all in care of the local authority. I really can’t talk about this subject any longer because I can see some of what I saw in my head and it’s making me quite tearful.