I am aware that I have a hell of a lot to do. I have my revision for the law gcse exams scattered next to me. The flat is one hell of a mess. as well. However, before I can hoover, I will need to locate the hose of the vacuum cleaner because it got dismantled in the other nights trip of insanity. I’ve just gone exhausted again. It just hits me and I need to sleep. I can’t get out of bed right now because I literally have no energy. I can walk for miles sometimes, but other times I don’t have any energy whatsoever. I’ve been to college this morning so I’ve at least done something today even if I can barely move for the other half of it. I’m most likely anaemic again. I have my next blood test to find out in 2 weeks (literally in between my law exams). I get progressively clumsier when I’m this tired. I’m in the ‘falling over my own feet’ mode. I nearly did that on the way into my flat today. I can even trip over air on my worse days. I actually make fun of it and incorporate it into my personality nowadays. If you get stressed out about it then you end up more clumsy because the stressing exacerbates it.
I’m actually far too tired to even be bothered to be stressed about potentially failing my exams. If I fail and tried my hardest, then that is just meant to be. Of course, I’m not aiming to fail but I’m not going to get stressed over it because I’m more likely to mess my exams up then. I can’t believe how I’ve gone from being the most stressed uptight person ever to this laid back. I never thought that I’d ever lose my ocd traits or ever chill out. I never understood how people could be so laid back and seemingly not care. I just didn’t see how they did it. I don’t know how people can live in this world that we are in and not get annoyed at all the injustice and suffering. I still can’t do that. But, I can be a lot less of a stress head in general. We shouldn’t accept what is going on in the world. I see that as becoming part of the problem if you stand by and let it happen without raising issues. I will always have my activist streak though which has been with me since I was a teenager. I may not pull the crazy stunts I would have done back in the day, but I will still voice my opinion if I think something shouldn’t be ignored.