Madness, complete and utter madness!

I have had the night from hell. I regret being ‘too nice’. I can’t say too much but it’s suffice to say that I never want to let anyone in my flat again. I don’t get scared when it comes to mental health issues very easily. I believe that the only way to lead the way to dispel the fear surrounding mental health is to be quite open minded and effectively ‘go with the flow’. I don’t listen to the locals when they’re saying this or that about each other. I don’t make my judgments in that way. I was told that this person was quite a few negative things.

Well, I kind of let them in because they told me some people from the gypsy community had been following them. The night got progressively crazier and even I ended up a bit scared. They barricaded my door with my stuff and got my kitchen knives to protect themselves from these people. They kept taking photos with my phone as evidence someone was there. I couldn’t see anyone. I admit that at one point I did hear something down my intercom phone. But, that picks sounds up from across the block of flats. I kept an open mind until things kept getting crazier and crazier. They sellotaped up my letterbox and intercom phone so that no one could hear anything. I had to get my family involved to persuade them to go. I actually dropped them at someone else’s house a few towns away from my home so that I knew they wouldn’t be able to walk back to mine that easily. 

I’d only just woken up from a lie down after having had a migraine all day when they banged on my door. They gave me a story which wasn’t the real reason after they actually got into my flat. Then proceeded to barricade my door with things. I didn’t even get to eat tonight. I am absolutely starving. After being sent to a secure unit as a teenager when I first got into trouble with the law, there isn’t a lot that really shocks me. I saw a hell of a lot of mental illness aspects in there which has made me quite open minded and not get scared easily. I don’t know if the gypsies have been following me too because of association. That guy that chatted me up in the street the other day was most obviously a gypsy and the fairground was in town at the time. I’m a sucker for the blue eyes. He was attractive but I just don’t want to hook up with anyone. Then when I popped to the coop the night after (before the fairground left town) there was a drunken older guy who randomly verbally abused me and followed me half way up the road towards my home.

I’m accepting of any group of people. I have no issue with gypsies. There was half of me the other day thinking how lovely it would be to say yes hooking up with the guy and travelling around the country with them. I understand mental illness so I’m accepting of those that may see things that aren’t there. I honestly couldn’t see anything but shadows. However, I know that shadows when you’re mentally ill can look like people. I personally haven’t experienced it while I’m awake, but that night I woke up and saw a shadow which looked like a fat woman in my hallway and a face on my pillow. I put it down to the fact that I was quite stressed at the time and hadn’t been eating (which does make you hallucinate).

I’m exhausted and I do hate people in my space. I don’t even want to be mean but after having many negative experiences, I prefer to be quite solitary. Even when I do like another person, I do not like them in my home environment. It’s my space where I feel safe away from the world. I can relax and have a bit of peace. I don’t like people touching my stuff after living in a residential home for people with autism. I had one girl who always wandered into my room (if I didn’t lock it) and borrowed bits of my property. I’m not possessive of my things but going through that makes you quite guarded of your things.

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