The reason behind the ‘chip on my shoulder’… and considering career options.

I am aware that a lot of you feel I have a ‘chip on my shoulder’. That is true. This is what fuels me to be passionate about campaigning for equality etc for people like myself. You want to know the plain reason why I have this ‘chip on my shoulder’. Well, I get done for harassment and others get to be on the social networks of teaching staff at places where I’ve been. I find this unfair and it affects me. I end up thinking that I’m not good enough and that I’ll never compare to anyone else. I can’t see what is so good about other students and not me. I even work harder than them but it’s never good enough to get me included in things.

I lose my shit for a reason because it’s not equal and it doesn’t matter how hard I work (24/7 at times), but it’s never going to make me equal and included. I’ve seen other people I’ve studied with get added to their social networks while they were still students. They tell me it’s the rules that they don’t add students or befriend them, however, I see it every day. This makes me feel inferior. That inferiority complex that others actions impose on me has fueled my behaviour problems. I’d rather they just told me to my face that they cannot stand me as a person, rather than ignoring me or blocking me, yet adding everyone else.

Until I am at least included in life like others are then my job is not done in the campaigning department for inclusion. People go on about race and gender equality. There are other equality issues which are much more severely out of control when it comes to learning disability and mental health sufferers being left out or isolated. I’m trying to dispel the fear around the lack of understanding of these things. I just get punished for speaking out and trying to get people to see certain things. We shouldn’t live in a country that punishes people for trying to promote change.

I’ve also been considering career options. I could do photography or modelling. But, I am too fat and short to do mainstream modelling and not big enough to do plus sized modelling. I honestly don’t know what to do. I need to work something out. I took this photo earlier. I can only take photos of a certain quality on my phone though. I’m trained in media production so I may as well use it.