I was watching The Wright Show earlier. The topic of forgiveness came up. I thought that I’d just roll with it because that is what has been bugging me at the moment. I’m finding it hard to move on with my life because of feeling guilty for the past. I would love to have the other person’s forgiveness in relation to the university situation. I’m just sure that I’ll never get their forgiveness. It has kept me awake for a very long time. I shouldn’t have gone on and on because now it won’t ever be over. However, at the time I never knew any better.
I never could see social rules. And, I was fond of them but not in the way that I may have implied or even expressed at some point. I hate myself for everything on a daily basis. I’d feel forgiven if everything was reversed. There is a way to do that via the Criminal Case Review Commission. I don’t know the exact process though. In all honesty, I can’t forgive them either. I never asked to be born with a disability or had any control over the things that I found difficult. I respect that the other person is very private for whatever reason they have for being that way. I can’t say that I can relate to that because I’m not that private myself. I really can’t see their point of view there.
It does affect my life on a daily basis not having forgiveness for everything because I go around thinking I’m evil. I don’t look after myself any more because I feel like I deserve to beat myself up constantly. I still have a mark on my leg from when my snow boots cut into them. This is because I didn’t clean it up properly for a week. I am so hateful of myself. I’m always tired because it keeps me awake. I ended up addicted to Solphadine painkillers due to how it impacted on me.