I am that tired that I can’t even see the screen properly. Everything is blurred. I literally haven’t slept in 48 hours. I went for a walk like this because I felt like it would do me good. I’ve had to get into bed because I now have shaky legs. I really feel horrendous. I can barely even think straight. I was sick all over my bed this morning and it got in my hair so I had to wash me and bed covers. I think I’m probably anaemic again. I’m off to the GP next week about other personal issues so they’ll probably give me yet another blood test. Every test I’ve had yet has shown anaemia. I am always down which is why I wanted that operation to end my monthlies because they can get that bad it’s unbearable.
On the last test the GP I saw told me I was low on vitamins in general. I shouldn’t be because most of the things I eat are healthy. I can’t stand junk food. Unless it’s a cake based thing. I love cake and chocolate (if anyone wants to drop those things at mine who know me personally I’ll gladly take them from you). I’ve developed a new symptom which is getting rather irritating. It might be what is left over from the cold that I had this week because it came on Wednesday. I have achy bones all over my body. It’s not painful but like a dull ache right in the middle of my bones. I could have inflicted it on myself at the Gym because I was picking up weights last week. I’ve never felt aches deeply in my bones before. It feels completely different to anything I’ve ever experienced. I have been pushing myself quite hard recently. I haven’t had a lot of sleep and also haven’t slept for 48 hours straight. I really do not like the fitness gym type activities.
I’m not renewing my membership when it ends later on this year. I’m using it at least once a week at the moment because I do not wish to waste my money. I can’t get out of the contract until it finishes in August. I could pay to get out of it earlier but on principle I will not do that. Whether I like it or not, it does me some good. It’s better than playing computer games. I used to be able to spend hours playing them. Online fantasy games where you could be something like a Wizard were absolutely brilliant. I didn’t have time to play them so much eventually and never went back on them. I’m tired enough to start revealing how geeky I am to the world right now. I’m too tired to actually care whether others think I’m some geeky freakzoid of a human being. I’ve had an horrendous life in one way or another. I do certain things, or in that respect, did certain things as a form of escapism. Even now I’ve matured a bit I still love dressing up in cosplay type stuff. I know that sounds totally weird but I like not being myself for a bit. I’ve always hated myself, so I like dressing up because I don’t feel like I am myself for that period of time. It is nice to get away from me basically.
I keep saying that I’ll dress up like Xena (programme that used to be on television many years ago) or Tomb Raider. I haven’t yet though. I have just imagined a load of male blog readers get quite excited at the idea of me dressed like that. As ever, they may look but they cannot touch. I used to love the Tomb Raider games back on the very ancient Play Station console. I dressed up as Tomb Raider many years ago as a teenager. I had the little mini shorts and the tank top. I loved those shorts. The Sims used to also be one of my favourite computer games. I’m a bit ADHD like nowadays, that means I cannot concentrate on any game for hours on end like I used to do. Street Fighter and the series of Doom games were also quite good.