Friday 13th lived up to it’s reputation today!

I got the decision in regards to the Mandatory Reconsideration stage of my PIP claim today. As I thought, it has come back telling me that, despite my GP writing a letter as proof of my disability and difficulties, that they awarded me 2 points in one category but they still felt that I did not need the money to pay for care. I have the option to take it tribunal and am waiting for someone to get back to me so that I can have assistance for that. I’ve been advised to write to the MP too. I’m trying to revise for exams. I don’t have the time but I have to time everything right. I can’t leave it until after exams because it will be too late by that point. Then I was informed by the council that I’m not entitled to one bedroom LHA (Local Housing Allowance rate) anymore because of being taken off DLA.

Those under 35 (only 31 this year) can’t claim anything but a shared room rate if they aren’t classed as disabled (which now I’m not because my DLA has ended). This isn’t even going to cover the majority of my rent. I have the option to put myself on the council list but even then I won’t probably get anywhere for the shared room rate. This isn’t fair because by PIP refusing me at least the daily living component I am now not registered disabled anymore. It’s having a knock on affect because of how poorly our system is organised. They’re basically leaving a cart load of emotionless drones working on behalf of the DWP to judge whether we have a disability or not. The one I had was like a robot and some of the questions they asked was extremely personal and insensitive. I find it hard enough to deal with the extreme anxiety and social implications of my disability without having to justify my weaknesses to drones that don’t even listen to a word of what I am telling them.

I would love to be able to just go out there and get a job. I won’t get one though because of being labelled a criminal for my disability related issues. I’m trying to get onto the project which gives offenders work experience after my RAR days are finished. The work experience will help me put something on my C.V which is recent. I will also have my certificates of completion for my rehabilitation courses I’ve done via the probation RAR days.

I’m exhausted right now because I’ve barely slept this week. I’ve been ill with a cold too which has made me feel absolutely awful. I finally have a less sore nose than I have had all week. I have put so much effort into trying to become like other people want that I’ve worn myself out. It is tiring when you’re trying to mould yourself into something that doesn’t come naturally to you because you’re fighting your neurological wiring. I’m cold and grumpy because I have stopped using the heating a lot due to the price and now not being able to afford it. I’ve been barely eating to preserve food for as long as the dates on them will allow. I’m not getting so hungry now my stomach has shrunk so hopefully I’ve trained myself for not having enough to even eat or heat my flat (which is the point I’m now at with the rent allowance changes due to DLA ending and PIP refusal).