Re. Murder on the Internet and when kids kill-killed in care.

I should have gone to bed earlier tonight, but started watching these two channel 5 programmes while revising. I might as well watch things in practical terms as well as looking through flashcards and writing notes. Most of it was way beyond GCSE level though. I happened to just flick on to these programmes. I think that they may have been broadcast previously a while ago.

I know that others have certain opinions of me that isn’t correct. I am now going to try to show you all the difference between me and people who are really evil. I have too much empathy and guilt can literally destroy me. These people have absolutely none. Others can’t see the difference because the difference can only be compared from within me. Others cannot see the inside of my head. I’m only going into these subjects because there needs to be desperate changes in the system and it seems that no one is going to help me do it, so I have to learn everything myself. Those programmes like the ones that were broadcast tonight are a danger to those of us with innocent intentions.

I would never murder any one. I couldn’t. I don’t even have it in me to hit another person. I am nothing to be feared. The only way others will see this fact is to give me a chance to prove it. The things they’ve mentioned in the second programme doesn’t deescalate situations. Instead, in cases like mine, it fuels them because the rejection and the emotional impact that remains. No one is prepared to sort of my situation. I would be even happy with just an apology that someone else let me down. I’m not asking to be besties or make pinky promises etc. I want an apology for being treated in the way that I was which made me upset enough to snap back. I also want the other person to stop playing the victim because I’ve been through ten times more than them due to that situation. I have lost EVERYTHING. I have no money due to court fines and psychics taking advantage of the situation. I have been humiliated behind my back. I didn’t deserve all that and deep down they know this but they will not admit they’re wrong. It’s pure narcissism and selfishness on their part. They still have their job. I won’t ever get employment because of the crap they’ve put on my record. It was all based on their assumption and oversensitivity. Unfortunately, this oversensitivity is allowed in law as it’s termed the thin skull rule. 

I’m asking for closure that others just won’t give me. I need closure. This isn’t lack of empathy. I can’t ignore what I need. It keeps me awake at night because it’s not finished, it is left hanging, regardless whether others can see that or not.  I have always been not heard, like I’m not even expressing my views. They are discounted and me as a person is brushed under the carpet. That is enough to make anyone angry and say things they did not mean. I’m not an evil person like the ones in these programmes, please can people start to see this fact? I couldn’t accept not having a Mother figure in my life for a very like time. I’ve had to mature to no longer feel that void so much. That is what caused my issues. There is absolutely no sadistic streak in me and if you ask anyone who has known me my entire life, they’ll tell you the worse I am is stupid and naïve.

As for the topic of the programmes. I don’t do internet dating and I certainly won’t meet anyone I meet online (no matter how much certain individuals keep dropping hints). I never broadcast exactly where I am (however this is a very recent thing after watching a programme where someone got stalked because they advertised where they were on social media sites). As you all know, I’ve been in a care home for people with Autistic Spectrum Conditions. There are those with violent and sexual tendencies which means you have to watch your back. I have had some unpleasant experiences, which are also the reasons I’m petrified of other people. I don’t want to talk about them, but they do not help you relax around others.