I was watching things coming up on my social networking walls today. I started watching a few videos because they automatically play on the mobile which I have at the moment. It’s not something that is always convenient when you’re in certain places checking your phone, but I switch my phone to vibrate and it doesn’t bring the sound up. Anyway, I ‘ve shared the videos on my personal profile. I’m not putting them on the blogs page because I try to separate activist things and what I do on the blog.

I watched them quite irritated by the arguing and hatred I was witnessing. One argument was between a mature (quite well spoken educated type) white woman and a black young woman. The argument sounded like it was because the older woman could hear the younger woman’s music from her headphones and basically told her to move. They were on a train and we all know how packed together people are on there. I don’t like trains or buses because the close proximity causes me extreme anxiety. I just don’t feel that any of those attitudes towards each other is called for whatsoever. The original cause of the argument got lost toward the end of the video and it just got personal and quite ugly. Then there was another video posted originally on Tommy Robinson’s page but shared by someone I know. I will just point out that I do not hold any ideology which is anything like the EDL. I am simply expressing my views on the video which I’ve watched. This one involved a woman talking to police regarding those of Islamic faith praying in a London park on Easter Sunday. I honestly do not know what the rules are in regards to what you can and cannot do in London’s Queen’s Park. It ended up with an argument between the group that were carrying out prayers and the woman, with the odd police officer getting involved.

A comment was made about laws being discretionary and mentioned that even if someone committed the act of Murder they did not have to legally arrest them because that is common law not governed by a statute (act of parliament). I now feel like if I’d have gone and murdered someone rather than broke something covered by an act of parliament I’d have received less punishment. In my opinion, Murder is a hell of a lot worse than doing what I did (harassment) due to pure lack of understanding. Yes, people treated me like I was the equivalent to a Murderer, but as I said before, none of us really know what truly went on from all sides. I was merely just reacting to something that destroyed me on top of something else that I’d already been through. I beat myself up every day for things I did because of lack of understanding. It still affects me extremely badly. I barely sleep with the thoughts that I accidently upset someone else by my actions when I got distressed. Others tell me not to beat myself up over it because it wasn’t my fault that I was failed to the point that I ended up in that state. It’s not something that I shake off okay. I’m not an awful person, I do care too much about everything and everyone.

In regards to what I originally started talking about. Both of these videos illustrate that the divide that we all talk about is actually getting wider and wider. The younger generation vs the older generation, this is a very wide gap because they just can’t see the world, or in fact, many things in the same way. The system changed in the 90s when we were growing up. I’ve just turned 30 therefore I can’t speak for the youngest generation. If you ask any one that knows me they will tell you that I absolutely cannot stand the likes of Tony Blair. This is because of the system that he brought in under his government during the 90s when I was at school.

The younger generation has grown up under this nanny state system of liability and lack of freedoms. The older generation do not have a clue how growing up under that system feels. They may have had corporal punishment at school (depending on what age they are now), but our school days were awful in a different way. We had a different experience where school just labelled us and threw us out (Autism wasn’t known about when I was at school). Everything wrongly gets put on record and we are labelled for life. Health and Safety has got absolutely stupid. In the system that the younger generation is living under everyone is afraid to go what is right because ‘it’s not procedure’. This is leading to so many of us getting failed. Mental health in general is nowadays so wrapped up by red tape with these health and safety laws that have been introduced. The ‘red tape’ is actually making it worse. I am sure that things wouldn’t have happened to me as they did if these laws didn’t make people afraid to stand up for what’s right.

However, no one dare do that in case they lose their jobs or suffer some other form of punishment. Before the older generation starts on the younger generation for being rude. Those older than us grew up with a hell of a lot more freedom. Children were allowed to be children at school, rather than punished for not having the understanding required for the adult world. The system didn’t have the power to practically walk in and destroy your family. Eventually even the most chilled out personality will snap at the way the system works. I was chilled out before they stole my son for adoption. That was the point where I decided I’d had enough and snapped back.

In either of the cases displayed on the video, this proves that we desperately need to sort ourselves out a human race. We are just making the divide wider and one day it will be too wide. We are already seeing this in regards to the spate of stabbings of youngsters in London. The divide is causing wide spread fear of all things that aren’t familiar. It’s the same with mental health where people fear what they don’t understand. The ignorance can make people assume anything. Then it starts coming down to what someone ‘might do’ and taking no chances. Then we get treated as I have been, no one has ever actually got to know me. 

I may be still young in this incarnation, but I know I’ve been here before. I swear that it wasn’t that long ago either. I’m sure that I came back straight away practically. I feel too much. I’ve had people look into my eyes and tell me I’m an old soul in a younger person’s body. I know me and I came back because I cared very much about things in my last life. I don’t have a clue who I actually was because we aren’t supposed to know that information. I’ve had dreams but there is no solid proof that I was remembering my past life. I just have a feeling that I wasn’t that old when I died. I can go places that just feel familiar to me. I’ve explained events that happened in the 60s and 70s that I couldn’t have possibly seen first hand because I weren’t born. If I came back for any reason then I want to make a difference. I grew up feeling a lot of guilt and regret from when I was in my childhood. That couldn’t have been from this life. I was never a happy child because I always felt like something was wrong. I definitely feel that my life was ended by another in a previous life. I feel that if I make a difference in this life then it will make me no longer feel so afraid of other people. I’ve always been petrified of them and never been able to do physical contact with anyone else. It feels intrusive and I don’t think that is just my autism. 

And, I saw 222 twice, 333, 666, 777 and 555 on car number plates while walking for about an hour earlier. I have friends tell me that there is nothing in these numbers. But, I saw so many today just walking in a circle route around one town and the one next door to us. That is the most I’ve seen in one time on one day.