I have made some progress over the last couple of days. I ran out of Solpadine tablets two days ago and haven’t gone to purchase any more. I’ve been off of them 2 days and I have had no withdrawal effects. I normally get a headache when I come off of them. They made my stomach bloat a lot and I was hooked on them since I was a young teenager. I still may go back on them. There is no guarantee that I won’t get a craving for them which results in me going out and buying another pack. I’ve replaced those with Kalms to get rid of my anxiety a more ‘natural’ way. It would still really help me if things changed though.
I really can’t take being punished forever and it continues to affect my life severely. I won’t even go out socially and I don’t want that to be my entire life. I am never going to be able to move forward if others don’t help me out okay. I know that I won’t EVER be able to go out socially again unless things are sorted out re. the order and as much of the situation repaired as possible. I have suffered enough several times over for the things that I did wrong. I don’t deserve it to continue. Let’s face it, I bring a lot to the table that could be useful to others. e.g. I can actually pick things up before they happen. That’s a skill in a friendship even though it’s not social aspect. I don’t read others without their permission but what comes to me randomly isn’t something I’ve managed to block yet.
I have also finally started to lose weight properly. I’m now 10 stone 4lbs. I started using an abs exercise app on my phone. I was quite sceptical, however, in a week I’ve actually lost an inch around my waist. My measurements are now 36 hips, 29 waist, 36 bust. I’m now an hour glass shape after being a pear shape for years. I thought my days of being slim were slipping away, but they’ve returned. I have now come off my anti depressants because I spoke to the GP in regards to them making me extremely tired (on top of the exhaustion I have anyway). I got permission to take myself off of them and they prescribed me a lower dosage to get off of them completely. I did gain quite a lot when I went on them but I was also eating a lot.
I do eat what I used to eat now. However, I space it out. I used to eat two Belgium buns at once or, on other occasions, two muffins at once. I still eat two but space them out throughout the day and make sure I’m doing things active in between. I replaced my breakfast cereals full of sugar with protein shreddies type things which don’t have added sugar (these things are a new product in ASDA). I have goats milk and brown sugar in my tea. I don’t mind having tea with cows milk and white sugar when I’m out though. I am not a difficult person. I either have bananas or yogurts as snacks, unless I decide to have a treat in either the form of muffins, Belgium buns or some kind of Kipling cake things. I don’t really eat crisps but I will buy the odd packet of things like Pom Bears or Skips occasionally. It is fine to treat yourself. I normally buy these types of things when I’ve walked to the supermarket and back (5 miles there and back).
One last thing in regards to my ‘April Fools’ post via my personal social network page on fb. I put that I used to be a Man who transitioned as a teenager. That is in fact not true and was indeed an April Fools. But, it has highlighted some ignorance that people I know have about transgendered individuals. I actually got messages asking me to send proof of having a d*ck. Seriously, if someone transitions, a lot of them chose to have that part reconstructed otherwise they feel like they’re not a woman. I’m not saying that everyone decides to have certain surgeries but I’m just pointing out potential ignorance here.