Not a good day today.

I woke up feeling hot but also cold. I was half sweating but also cold. It is definitely hormones because I’m bloated too. I’m not out of bed yet. I am typing this from my phone. I’m uncomfortable because I can literally feel water in my joints I’m that bloated. The worse part is having water in the sole of your feet and ankles. It isn’t painful but aches so much. I can feel water all around my knees and around my stomach area as well today. I’m sweaty but also cold.

Yep, it is that time again. Last week I was feeling constantly wound up to the point where I couldn’t sleep. I can get like that up to a fortnight before I actually come on. I probably only have about one week in a month where I’m settled in regards to hormones. I have two weeks of being really emotional and on edge. A week when I’m actually on my monthly. And that week can be quite up and down emotionally too. The remaining week is okay because everything is basically over before it all starts again. If I was sure that I didn’t want any more children I would ask for every thing to be removed. I will probably get to my mid 30s and then decide whether I want to take such drastic action. I can’t risk having children after that point because autism could be passed onto them easily if I have a child that late. I’m not saying that women shouldn’t have children later on in life but I won’t for genetic reasons. I was a late baby and I wouldn’t want to have a baby that grows up to be like me. I wouldn’t want them to have this reality either. Let’s face it, their lives are going to be hell.

I am quite fed up of others telling me that my hormones and monthly isn’t that bad. It may not be for many women but I get them severely. They make me ill for more than just the week I’m on them. They’ve never helped my behaviour issues either. In fact, I think hormones have a major role in my issues. I just get stressy and wound up by every single little thing. I can take things personally quite easily. I get so jealous and competitive with other females and have the urge to fight them. Mostly not physically fight but at least start a verbal war. I am bitchy but life has made me this way because of the things I’ve been through and how I’m trapped in a life I don’t want.