I need others to change things for me.

This isn’t about anyone else, this is about me ok. I have put up with the way things are now for long enough. I was  severely failed and pushed into snapping. I’ve been punished enough. I hate the life I’m forced to live. I need what I set out to have. I had my wishes ignored and was forced into being that frustrated I lashed out. I was quite young. I didn’t have much self control… actually, I didn’t have any whatsoever. I don’t deserve to be punished for life. Incidentally, while I am on the subject of being ‘let down’. I would just like to point out that there is a protest happening outside NAS headquarters in London today about the charity letting so many of us (mostly higher functioning)  down.

I reacted so strongly to getting kicked out of university because that was my dream since a child. I always wanted to be a journalist. The comments I made to the other person involved wasn’t really as personal as they probably came across. I was just so angry that I got kicked off of the course for things I couldn’t help. I couldn’t change my disability, so why should I lose the chance of a career I wanted because of basically how I was born? I know the people in that career already aren’t always those with the most kindest of characters (e.g. piers morgan). But, I’m by far the most plain speaking, don’t give a crap kind of person myself. It doesn’t mean I do not care. It’s how I put things. I have more tact now than I did in my younger days but please don’t ask me to be honest if you ask me straight out if you look fat in a dress or something because I’ll just blurt out the complete truth with no filter.

It hurts when I see so much of the university around the city and I am not allowed to join in because of being permanently excluded.  I know that all the decisions that have been made can easily be undone if people work together. I’ve been made to suffer enough. I spend nights in turmoil because of wanting to go back and no one ever listening to me. I hate this life. I feel like I’m living a lie. And, really this was not about anyone personally. It may have come across like that because the PDA form of Autism always gets directed at another person. I now understand my condition. I can explain it to others if they’d care to listen. I was even in the dark about which part of the spectrum I was actually on until now. Things have changed and I do deserve a chance. It would mean the world to me if I could get back on the degree course that I was on, exclusion lifted and the order (because lets face it legally we’ll have to communicate with each other while I’m still there, they can always put it back on after I graduate but I assure them that they won’t need to).