I desperately need proper sleep. Things can’t stay as they are.

I’m not trying to upset anyone else by saying these things. I just can’t stand the lack of sleep any longer. I have only had probably 5 hours sleep over the last 3 days and that has just been via dropping off during the day. I’m too tired to study for exams so I know that I’m going to fail. I can’t rest. I cannot shut off with the way things stand. I’m not trying to be difficult, it is how it is. I can’t help the way I’m being affected. The disability that I have will never allow me to accept these conditions. It’s slowly destroying me. The lack of sleep is causing my skin to break out in hives. I look like I have some kind of disease on my face but that isn’t my skin breaking out due to tiredness, I put hair removal cream on it. I have sensitive skin which reacts to everything. I’m going to have to go out looking like this later. I’m too fat not to go for a walk. That is another thing, it’s like I absorb fatty bits onto my stomach with stress. It has definitely made my monthlies hell.

The sooner the other person admits that they failed me and proceeds to ‘put things right’ , the better. They can’t even see that they let me down and practically threw me under the bus at university. I’m absolutely sick of meeting completely awful people in my life. I just wish that I could meet one person that could actually comprehend supporting me to get rid of my more negative traits instead of punishing me. They just cannot see that it’s not about them. It was NEVER about them. I don’t care if their huge ego constantly tells them everything is about them. They’ve destroyed me as a person and prevented me from having a future. I’m better off dead now. No one will ever give me a chance now after everything that got added to my record because of them letting me down. I was in a mess when I met them so I couldn’t see how selfish they were. The worse thing about it is that they destroyed me and then made out to their mates that I destroyed them. Who is the one that lost everything ? Me. They still have their job, everyone believes their side of the story and believes they’re a wonderful hard working person. A high up job where they could change things for people like me but instead they decide to be a coward and stroke their own ego. They didn’t have to practically throw me into a huge fire pit. If they ever do feel guilty, then I hope the guilt destroys them like everything is destroying me now. 

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