I’m beyond tired. I was thinking about today yesterday looking forward to a weeks break from everything and two weeks break from college (well Maths class). I’m trying to revise for my law gcse exam but this tiredness is not making that easy. I’ve never got to the point where I feel like crying because I’m that tired. I’m close to quitting college too. I know that it’s only one lesson a week but everything seems too much right now. There is also other reasons why I don’t really want to be there anymore. I’m probably not really thinking straight because of exhaustion but I have my reasons. I look around at others who have so much more than I ever will. They have kids and jobs. I have none of that and I never will. I may as well be dead.
It sometimes is just as painful to me as when I lost my son to adoption. I see other people with children and long for a life I never got to have. I can feel myself breaking. Tiredness is only the beginning and I’ve fought that for over a year. I’m well and truly hooked on those Solphadine Plus tablets. I was pushed onto them by people being really awful to me about things in my past and things that have occurred more recently. None of those people have a clue how they’ve destroyed me. They didn’t know a thing about my disability. I do not care what they think Autism is about. There are varying degrees and PDA is a very rare form. It doesn’t mean that anyone has a right to totally destroy me and then blame me for destroying me. I only ever wanted others to understand my disability issues. Instead of punishing me. I’ll never be the same again because of that punishment.