I had to drive home in that snow earlier (quite fed up of the snow now). I was scared stiff going down those roads where they hadn’t been gritted. I did try to keep to the main roads but in parts it was quite slippery. The worse parts were completely white and if you go too fast on them you will slide. It is no use using the break because it just sounds like a grinding noise and the car still doesn’t stop. I used the gears to keep at about 10 mph in the worse places. I was extremely glad to get home because since I had that accident in the snow I get so petrified of having another one. I’m trying to get used to driving in these weather conditions because it is quite possible that our weather patterns will change so that this is the kind of thing we will get more often. I also have a backup plan if I really don’t feel that I can drive in these conditions. I have a bus stop outside the block of flats where I live which I can catch to go to college etc.
I also have a few tips I’d like to share with you all. One of these things I tried on the off chance and would firmly recommend to others. I didn’t know if it would work but it was one of those moments where I just thought I’d try something. I have pet dry shampoo for my cat because obviously bathing a cat isn’t a wise idea and they do not like water. I have a cat who doesn’t wash herself properly and ends up smelling. I spray her and brush this lovely smelling dry pet shampoo over her, which also conditions her fir. It always leaves her smelling lovely and her fir feeling a lot less matted. I looked at my own hair this morning. I’d got a lot of product build up in there and it was starting to look a bit greasy. I try to refrain from washing my hair too much because it is the kind of hair type which lacks moisture if washed more than once a week. The dry shampoo for humans which I brought makes it dry and sometimes brittle at the ends. I know that humans can use products designed for pets sometimes. So, I sprayed it through my hair and brushed it through. It looks absolutely lovely. It is most likely better for us too because they put so many chemicals in the products which are designed for humans. They’re not allowed to do that when it comes to products for animals. In this case they cannot put harsh chemicals in this dry shampoo and conditioning spray for pets because they lick themselves to clean themselves (well if they’re not lazy like one of my cats). Also, rubbing oil into your scalp on a nightly basis before you go to sleep can really help hair growth speed. I use rosemary oil which is really cheap to buy off of places such as amazon, however, there are many oils which you can use. I sometimes use coconut oil but that tends to make hair go too greasy used on a daily basis.
I’ve finally finished my revision and now can chill out a bit before I go to sleep. I’ve tried to revise in small chunks because right now I’m not feeling up to it. I know that I need to do some because I won’t pass my exams if I don’t. I’ve paid for the distance learning course and the exams, so I’d rather not fail. Law is a hard subject even at GCSE level because of all the case law which you need to include within some of the answers to exam questions. It seems to be getting easier to understand now so I must be getting somewhere. I looked at it last September and it just went right over my head. I never thought that I was intelligent enough to do this subject. It was only what I was conditioned to believe so I didn’t even try.
I know that I’m never going to get an A, but as long as I can get a C at the least then it will be a pass. I had a friend say I should aim to be a lawyer. Besides from the fact I cannot practice as a lawyer because of my criminal record, I would also probably end up arguing with the judge about the verdict if the client I am representing loses the case. I’m really not great with injustice. I get very passionate about arguing why it isn’t right. I’m doing the GCSE in the subject because it is a strong subject to pass. It’s a stepping stone to future things I want to get into and it shows I’m intellectually intelligent enough to understand complexities which are contained in such subjects. I’m determined to get back into university studying something (most likely not Journalism this time) at some point before I hit 35. I have 5 years and it should all work out if I pass my Maths GCSE after Level 2 functional skills on my first attempt. This year aim to pass level 2 functional skills and next year (September 2018 – June 2019) pass Maths GCSE. After that which will be September 2019 I can do a year Access course (easiest option when you didn’t do A Levels at school) and then by September 2020 I can get onto a university course in whichever subject I finally decide I’m going to study. I am aware that I need to brush up my English skills too because I don’t write well. I got a C in GCSE English but when I did the initial assessment at the other place I do my Maths lessons (we had to take both initial assessments despite wanting to only do one subject), I came up at a level 1. I think that I may have only just scrapped a C in that GCSE by sheer luck. The lack of education I had which results in me struggling really does frustrate me.
I’d like to finish by saying that my last entry wasn’t saying I was suicidal. I’m just extremely tired after everything that has happened. I’m not exactly going to go and commit suicide. I’ve been there and got through that many months ago. I know that we should all be careful what we wish for but I’m so tired that I’d welcome death right now just for a rest. I have been worn out psychologically from things happening in my life as it’s been one thing after another. It’s been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster and I long for peace. I don’t get peace because it has left me with nightmares. I’m more likely to finish myself off by accident by abusing the painkillers I really need to get off. It wouldn’t be intentional. I’ve been taking them to keep going because they have caffeine in them. I need to keep myself awake to fight this exhausted feeling. And, also it completely bugs me when people start acting concerned. They never gave a damn before when they stated that I was this, that or the other. I honestly do not want others concern. It’s too little, too late as far as I am concerned. When I needed others to stand up for me or even be there for me, everyone disappeared. I ended up on my own through circumstances. So please don’t start trying to sympathise and be supportive now.