Weight loss doing so well!!! / body image discussion

I weighed myself earlier having not expected to have lost much weight. I’m now 10 st 2lbs (a loss of 8lbs over the last week). I’ve been going the Gym for at least 6 months and saw absolutely no improvement. If anything I was actually gaining weight. I know that this could have been muscle build up. However, it really got me down because I used to be able to shed weight so quickly when I was younger. I do have a different figure now because age has caused things to get larger. I didn’t like the fact that my bust, bum and hips had got bigger when I first started to notice it. I’m starting to look ‘grown up’ for the first time in my life.

I’ve had other women look at me and tell me they wish that they’d got my figure. I suppose I am lucky to have never been majorly overweight. The biggest I’ve got to is a size 16 in my early 20s. I’ve never had a noticeable bum until now because I’ve filled out. I’ve always been lucky in the bust department. I’m petite so I look larger if I go up a few sizes. I spent most of my school years wearing black shoes with wedges trying to ‘look taller’. I would have loved to have been a model or something, but in reality, the successful models are always much taller than 5 ft 2 and has absolutely no fat on them. There has been issues raised about the size 0 model culture within the fashion industry, but models do still get told to slim down behind the scenes quite regularly. I’m not saying I’d go into the modelling industry because it’s something I know that I don’t have the looks or the face to go into it. I’d be classed as going into it quite late due to over 25 being seen as ‘passed your best’ in that industry. There are also a lot of pervy people that will ask you to do nudes and topless. I’m certainly not comfortable with doing that kind of thing and it can come back to bite a woman in anything she does in the future. I did some of those shots when I was a teen and they came back to haunt me. I was promised a load of things and that was the only reason I agreed. I wanted fame as a youngster and would literally do anything to get it. Now that I’ve finally grown up, the thought of fame and all the things that come with it are extremely unappealing to me. 

I feel much more confident with hair other than my natural colour. I have felt a lot better since I bleached my hair this week. It’s not bleached like it has been previously, but I didn’t want it that light this time because it makes me look too pale. I do still need to go over some bits that are darker but I can’t do that straight away because bleaching hair has to be spaced out to avoid damaging the hair. I might even start wearing more make up again (haven’t done that on a daily basis since I was a teenager/early twenties).

I have had an open sore on my leg for about five days now. The scab isn’t forming on my friction burn (from snow shoes) properly. I’ve also noticed that there are hairs getting in the scab parts that is forming (cat hairs are all over my flat). I’m going to have to cover it. It’s too large for any of the plasters I have. I wash it every day because I have a bath, but it keeps knocking the scab off. I’ve put savlon on it and coconut oil because they’re both anti septic’s to make sure it doesn’t get infected. I thought that leaving the air to get to it would help it heal. That doesn’t seem to be happening. It still feels sore. I also have a bad toe on that side which is still recovering from being injured around 6 months ago. I can still walk but when I got back it felt quite sore and like something was growing inward again. They do that because of the genetic condition I inherited. I can’t do much about that until it grows properly again. I hope that it does it before summer because I can’t wear sandals or anything open toed with it like this. It has spent long enough healing to be done with it by that time.