I need time to myself because of illness. Sorry.

I have tried to do things as normal but certain personal problems have got to a level where I need to spend the next few days resting. I don’t want to be graphic but the least detailed way I can possibly describe it is the fact that I’m in a lot of pain and it’s unpleasant. It’s physical, not mental, before anyone tries to accuse me of being mentally ill. The mental illness affects that my life has left me with is something I can now cope with and ‘put on my game face’ quite well. There aren’t many people that have actually learned to function normally experiencing the effects of being traumatised. I had no choice because I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself.

Anyway, I’ve had these physical issues for about two years now. They got so severe earlier that I feel light headed. I’m trying not to go into too much detail because it’s personal. I just want others to realise that I’m not someone who says they’ll do things and cancels unless I really am ill. I will even not cancel things when I’m a bit under the weather and I look like crap. I’ve not looked great all this week (current fb profile photo shows that). I don’t think that it was a brilliant idea to do that 5 mile walk to get a few bits in because I woke up from a nap feeling like I had caught a cold. I shouldn’t have done as I made sure I had layers of clothes on and was wrapped up. I’m not even going to go into what else happened when I woke up. That is a bit too on the personal side. I will just say that it was down to ‘girly’ issues. That is why I feel light headed.

This issue is causing me to be anaemic, however, if I take iron tablets it then makes my issue completely unbearable and I cannot do anything for a few days because literally it’s too embarrassing, also sometimes I’m in a lot of pain too that I’d never be able to get myself back home as it gets too crippling to drive etc. I’ve had so many tests that haven’t showed anything. I don’t know what other tests I could have to try to get things sorted. I know someone who has just had a hysterectomy due to ‘girly’ issues. They can’t see everything on these ultrasound things because they found two tumours in the parts they removed from them. They weren’t picked up before on scans etc.

I’ve always suffered in that department (if I’m going to get myself into trouble by picking a fight with someone it always coincides with when I’m running up to that ‘time’), but for the last two years now it’s been beyond ridiculous and I must be severely anaemic at this moment in time because after all that kicked off earlier I felt light headed and I feel weak. It’s never been this painful before. It’s normally just an ache which is bearable after having experienced the pain of childbirth. It feels like a stabbing pain this time around because it’s sharp when it does happen. I feel absolutely stupid phoning up for advice because as a woman I should be able to deal with these things. I certainly don’t want to be in hospital during this weather. I feel guilty going to hospital nowadays due to the bed shortages etc. I always feel that others with more serious conditions should have that bed first. I’m used to my health problems and I can manage them most of the time. I am seriously getting close to being unable to manage this though. I’ve never been in this much pain and ended up feeling light headed and weak. I’m not stupid. I know that if this keeps on as it is over night then I’m going to have to call for advice. I’m trying to avoid it for as long as possible but I can’t go on like this for more than a day or so because it’s already made me feel like I was going to pass out.

I will be back online by Tuesday. I have also messaged fledglings to say that I won’t be working (well volunteering) Monday this week. I will be back soon. I don’t have any plans until Wednesday onward, so I’m hoping everything has settled down by then.