I tried to save money. I’d done quite well. I had actually saved over £10 by buying two large bottles of Pepsi Max. I will refill the little Pepsi Max bottles instead of buying a little bottle per day. I am going to appeal, but just in case I can’t get PIP, I’m saving as much money as possible. I may be forced to apply for Universal Credit because everyone is slowly being pushed into that position. I never wanted to apply for that Universal Credit thing because I know what issues others have experienced on it. I never wanted to go on to Personal Independence Payment but I had to apply when they announced that they were ending Disability Living Allowance. Housing Benefit is being phased out too and its being combined with the Universal Credit. Basically, Universal Credit is paid monthly. In theory, it was to get the unemployed used to ‘budgeting’ like they would have to if they were employed. It sounded better in theory than it actually materialised when the government rolled it out. It has actually ended up a complete disaster. I knew PIP was going to be a disaster the very first time I heard about it’s criteria. If I have to swap things over eventually then I will but not until it’s absolutely necessary.
Anyway, just as I am trying to save money something else happens that basically makes my attempts a waste of time. I had my neighbours knock on my door again today. The ones that are always asking for things every time they knock. Well, I answered the door. I got asked for money, which I said no to because I just can’t afford it due to relying on benefits which have been stopped. I agreed to give them a lift down to the town because I was going out anyway. I kept my bag away from them due to the fact that I know they’ve been in prison. I give people a chance because of the way I’ve been treated by those that haven’t given me a chance. However, at times it does come back to bite me. One of those that came around today has mental health problems. I’m understanding because of my own issues. I will not be letting them in or doing anything else for them now. This is due to the fact that when I gave them a lift down to the coop, one of them stole £15 out of my purse which was in the boot (all the money that I had). I was half ready to report it but I have to live on the same block of flats as them so I thought better of it. They could make my life hell if I do report them. I will not be a mug though. They aren’t coming in my flat again and they certainly aren’t getting any lifts. I was so careful because I know that most people cannot be trusted. The area in which I live has a lot of that kind of behaviour.
I am shocked by the behaviour that others display. Another incident happened to a friend of mine today. Her Mother has passed away recently and someone has hacked into her Mother’s account to like all the Grand daughters photos. Then they deleted the account. This has been reported to police by my friend. I just think the behaviour of people get worse and worse. How can they feel no sense of guilt for these types of things? I am eaten up by guilt about the things I’ve done due to aspects of my disability. I still feel guilty for letting my son down by literally handing him to the authorities because of who I was back when he was born. I end up in tears over it. Everything I’ve ever done awful to another even in extreme circumstances when I just ‘blew up’ during a meltdown. I am haunted by everything I’ve ever done wrong. I was told by someone that this is a sign that I’m one of the few ‘good’ people left. I wish I felt like a ‘good’ person. I don’t think I ever will because of the PTSD type dreams and thoughts I have regarding events of the past.