I nearly didn’t go to my maths lesson today. I got here stupidly early but I literally had to make myself get out of bed this morning. I had a really awful nights sleep. I was relaxed enough to drop off to sleep but one of my cats woke me up wanting to come in the window because I had let him out before I fell asleep. Then after he came in he nudged me for a while and then fell asleep. Then later, one of the other cats woke me up wanting to go outside at about half 5 in the morning. I had my alarm set for 6.
I’m extremely tired and I really hope that the maths doesn’t require too much thinking today. The night I’ve had I nearly considered calling in sick. I also have a radio pre recorded interview for the community radio later. I can’t have a nap in case I miss their call. I finish here at 12 and it takes me half an hour or more to get home depending on traffic. If I nap at half one I will only have an hour and a half ish to sleep. I need to eat my lunch in between that. I could perk myself up with those solphadine painkillers (yes, I became weak and purchased them again, but sticking to one dosage of two tablets a day maximum). But that isn’t a good idea because I will just get into relying on them in a major way again. I only have to answer questions and fight my anxiety to use the phone so it isn’t that hard. I usually lose some of my anxiety when I’ve been around people during the day before I use the phone to talk to others. I am an introvert (like the title is this blog) but I feel energised when I’ve been around others. It completely lifts my depression but then at the same time I’m constantly fighting my anxiety at the same time. It’s a hellish battle most of the time. I don’t feel that I’d be anxious if I hadn’t had some awful experiences. I didn’t want to remain affected by things but it’s how it is at the moment and how it will probably be for a long time yet.