Sleep pattern completely messed up :/ / the world is going crazy!

I didn’t manage to get to sleep until 4 am. I still woke up at half 7 in the morning. I didn’t even need to because I had nothing on today. I need a few free days a week to reenergise and catch up with sleep. I have to get up tomorrow morning to be somewhere by 10 am. I was at the local library by half 10 this morning. I had to print the entry form out for the NAS Christmas card competition. That is all sent off along with my artwork. I’m quite tired now. I will be going for a nap soon.

I watched the news earlier. I feel that this world is going absolutely crazy. There are so many scandals coming out after years of being covered up. I have known for the majority of my life that the system is abusive behind closed doors. The scale of these abuses and mix ups has even surprised me. I am overwhelmed enough most of the time without watching all these things happening on the news. These things have gone on for many years behind closed doors. It just goes to show that what you see with your eyes isn’t always the way it actually is behind closed doors. The glitz and glamour of Hollywood and the entertainment industry was hiding a dark secret of abuse. Cases not investigated properly by police in regards to individuals who are actually dangerous. Maybe they will finally stop using those with disabilities as targets now that their failings have been highlighted. I just cannot be bothered with it all today. It annoys me after the way I’ve been treated for basically just wanted a friend. I had no ill intent. I hold my hands up that I snapped back after the way I was treated but you would have to be super human not to do so. It’s like that when you’re younger.

It’s weird how things used to get to me so much and now I’m like ‘whatever’ about most things. I had others trying to teach me to fight physically so that I could stick up for myself. Eventually they gave up because I was just not fighter material. I don’t like the thought of even hitting another person. I’m strictly against violence. It just isn’t me and I hate conflict. I have only ever snapped back with words when I’ve been pushed into meltdown mode and even at that point I could never hit anyone. That isn’t wanting conflict but I used to get to a point where I couldn’t take what others were doing anymore. Nowadays, I go into shutdown mode because I don’t have the energy to go into meltdown mode.