I got the idea for this post from feedback I had earlier. I was tweeted a link to how to get what I’m entitled to for the 117 clause. I’ve done all of those things on the list and still got no where. I hate it when people don’t think you’re trying because you’re getting no where. There is such a thing as being ineffective as a person. This is something that my dad was during his life. A simple example of being an ineffective person from his experience is being not ‘seen’ at a bar while others that have just walked up there are served straight away. I am a similar shy personality and short build as my dad. I therefore think I’ve inherited the ‘ineffectiveness’. I used to wear heels when I was living down south to combat the issue of not being ‘seen’. It is a way not to be as ineffective but I never got around the shyness in person. If you can’t walk on heels then the next best thing to wear is wedges (I wear them nowadays because of having coordination issues). Even when I have overcome the shyness and had the confidence to say something I’ve still been ignored. I just lack that thing. I’ve probably genetically inherited it because my family haven’t really been effective in their lives. A few of them have done okay but no one has become influential. I need that quality to do what I need to do which is get people to listen and take on board what needs changing in regards to reform. I also can’t educate the masses if I’m unable to get people to take on board what I am saying. I don’t know how to become that without showing too much of myself which makes me uncomfortable. I like to hide behind an invisible shield to protect myself. That is how my past has affected me. In the same way as I now feel that love is nothing more than a poison and have absolutely no place for it in my life. I mean any kind of love, even friendship. I am hard and direct now because I’ve never met anyone in my life that hasn’t let me down. And that is part of being born an ineffective person too. People only see the negative about you as an individual. You’re not noticeable unless you get another to feel threatened in some way. In all other cases you are invisible along with any point you’re trying to make. I don’t know how to make myself an effective person. It seems to be in my blood so I don’t really have an option here.