This is how I’m affected.

I know that people won’t understand but I will explain how I’m affected by everything that has happened. I’m traumatised. I’m feeling it tonight. It’s severe enough to keep me awake. I don’t trust people and won’t let anyone close enough to become a friend. I can’t even deal with the humming of my fridge freezer because it sounds like the noise in the cell. I sometimes go to sleep hearing that and then wake up screaming because I have a nightmare that I’m back in a cell. I weren’t this affected when everything was happening, but as time goes by I’m starting to be fearful of everything. The smallest smells can set off a landslide of ptsd type reactions. I have nightmares at least three times a week. That makes me afraid to sleep. I’m afraid to be around people because I can’t trust them. I have been on edge for over three months now. Depression is making me want to sleep all the time. I can never settle. I feel stupid for being like this. I can’t get help for it because there isn’t any available due to it being circumstances. There is no help service that can erase my memory of what had gone on. All I ever got when I went for help I was basically told to lose my disability. That isn’t an option for me. Pda won’t just go away. It requires understanding from others and not doing things like has been done to me to those with the condition. I didn’t chose to be born with my disability. The system acts like the affects of my disability is a choice but it isn’t. Punishment is going to rid me of my negative traits. I now have extra issues on top because I’m so traumatised. Every day feels like living in hell being that traumatised. It’s horrible.