I don’t need anything or anyone okay.

After my experiences I will NEVER trust someone in the system for any form of ‘help’ that they promise me. I’m better off on my own because my life was a lot simpler and not complicated by ‘help’. I may be depressed quite a bit now, but any child or adult that has grown up in the system will back me up when I say this sentence – once the system has its claws into your life in any shape or form then your life is no longer your own and slowly they will destroy it by whatever means. As far as the system is concerned they can do what the hell they like to you and if you fight back then you’ll get punished time and time again because that is what the system does. Those of us that grew up in any form of care will never be good enough.

The places we have lived take daily opportunities to tear us down and destroy our confidence and after this we aren’t even sure of our own identities. This is why young people run away from the system all the time. It’s not a protection system but actually an oppressive extremely damaging system covered up to look like a protective system. I haven’t really inspired anyone. They may think that I did, but in reality I gave others a voice to speak out by doing so myself. I opened a gate but there are still many fences to overcome before everything comes out. I’d rather be on my own, just like those youngsters that run away from the social and foster care system. At least I can be sure that I’m safe from psychological and emotional abuse that I received in that system. I’m hoping that I can one day get over the trauma of being in that system. I’ve taken big steps recently. I said I was not ready to come off of the painkiller I took quite a lot. I’ve been off them over a week. I had to take another painkiller for my migraine but that didn’t start me wanting another. I don’t think that I can truly get over things that still give me horrendous nightmares for many many years though.