I have just this minute finished revising for my exam. I’m either going to float or sink miserably tomorrow. I’m not going to stress out too much because I can always do it again if I do fail. I’ve worked out that if there are 3 sections and it’s a 1 hour 30 minutes exam I can spend half an hour on each section. That’s practical maths in action. 9.30 until 10 first task, 10 until 10.30 second task and 10.30 until 11pm the last task. That will take me up until the very end of the exam.
I have my cat, Mimi, cuddled up next to me asleep. I should be sleeping because I have to get up early. I can hear a helicopter over my flat which is quite loud so the noise isn’t easy to ignore. I’ve got extremely good hearing which makes it hard to sleep much when there are noises at night.
The most random things happen to me. I got a random message earlier from a person I knew back in the days when I lost my son to adoption. They sent me a link to their book they’d written about social services stealing children for adoption. I replied ‘very good’ because every publication about what goes on helps their practices be bought out in the open. I got a reply telling me that I inspired them to do the book. I’m a bit taken aback because I didn’t think I was having any influence over anything. I’ve never felt heard. I grew up thinking that no one has listened or indeed will ever listen to me in the future. But then, on the other hand, it makes me feel like I should have got around to a book. I just haven’t had the time with studying etc. I do really need to structure my time but that task isn’t at all easy for me. I’m accustomed to ‘drifting’ which is counterproductive when your benefits are in danger of being dramatically cut and finding ways to make up potential income loses is a priority. I work quite well on a schedule to achieve effective time management but it’s just getting into that pattern and it’s extremely hard when depression is trying to constantly pull me under.