Depression is not a choice and I hate it.

I’m finding it so hard to get up today. I have housework to do and that just feels like way to much right now. Some of it can be left until tomorrow but not everything. I’m exhausted and I can’t stand this feeling because it’s so frustrating. I’m not in a routine at the moment. Routine is good for me but I find it completely boring. I like variety and travelling which I do not get with my current life. I’m too exhausted to travel or do different things. I’m content to sleep my life away right now. I’ve never felt so worn out to tuis degree my entire life so far. I can’t keep functioning in a society that is committed to misunderstanding who I am and punishing me. It gets tiring trying to get others to see that you are the way you are and there’s ways of accepting who I am and working with me rather than punishing me to change.

If I do have the pda part of the spectrum then all the punishment in the world won’t change me. It is exactly the same as being gay etc because in both cases you are the way you are and nothing is going to change that. They made the act of homosexuality illegal at one point when society had a backward attitude about that. Yet there is an Autism Act 2009 which is technically a law but people are still treating those on the spectrum negatively and discrimating denying them the right Support. This should hold the basis for several discrimination cases but it’s an act that is just ignored. They do not ignore any acts which they use in courts because a law cannot be ignored. However, the autism act 2009 is still a law but society as a whole is collectively ignoring it. This is because on a human rights slant this act would make the other laws questionable on a human rights basis. It would effectly change the odds in the favour of a defendant with a form of autism in any criminal case. It would lead to acquittals because of the balance between the autism act and any criminal law. As men’s rea states the intent of a ‘crime’ has a very strong argument when backed by other points of law. Under legal aid the solicitors and barristers cannot use arguments that aren’t standard defence arguments because legal aid is basically only to make it look fair. They’re not really fighting your corner, they work for the state. If you’re an ex activist like me, the state already hates your type and whether you had any guilty intent or not you will most definitely be found guilty. Then you can say goodbye to everything you have ever wanted to do in life because as soon as you disclose your record doors will be slammed in your face time and time again. I haven’t tried travelling abroad but I might even get stopped at the borders and told I can’t go into other countries because of my record.

That is why I’m much more comfortable with sleeping a lot. I may be exhausted so I need it but also it saves me from further disappointments when others only see the criminal label due to the fact that they are too ignorant to see I’m actually an individual that struggles quite badly with their disability on a daily basis. I have always wanted to be normal so I cover it up but underneath I struggle so much. I have to now struggle on my own because my Support services let me down and my social worker tells me I don’t need care.