I’ve lost my spark completely / Education options.

I know this sounds kind of hard to understand. I’ve heard people express how people have a spark about them. Well, I’ve had that in my life from time to time and I have always got it back after every let down or painful experience. However, this time I have actually lost it and it won’t come back. I woke up this morning (well this afternoon) and had absolutely no get up and go. I woke up and felt like I couldn’t possibly get up because I was too weak. I fell asleep and the next thing I knew it was nearly 2pm in the afternoon. I can barely think straight, let alone pass an exam in a few days. I’m so slow at everything and I can’t afford to be during an exam. That is definitely going to let me down because I was telling them for a long time and then suddenly when the message gets passed onto the right department it’s too near the exam to arrange  extra time. I do get my paper yellow though because that was an option I was asked whether I wanted. I just go by the expression that ‘every little helps’. I’ve arranged my law gcse question papers to be pale yellow as this is the best that they could do. That has just reminded me that I have yet to pay the fee to the place where I’m taking my exam because the deadline is mid Feb.

It’s quite lucky that I did the biology exam last year because it happens that the place I took them at has now not had their permission renewed to be an exam centre this year. I had an email from them because I filled out the form for their centre in case I couldn’t find anything closer. Therefore they emailed me telling me this news and I replied saying I’d found a place. Only to get an answer which totally threw me because I weren’t expecting it. They asked me if I knew any places where learners could take exams as external candidates for any others that may have been wanting to book there but couldn’t. I told them where mine was but also pointed out that they’d need some form of transport because it’s a 45 minute ish drive away from there if they’re coming from that side of the county. Also, I pointed out that the IGCSE’s are virtually impossible to take in the local area and that is why I went to their place. They have a guest house and international student education business ran side by side located in the middle of the countryside. It was only a village and if you miss the turning you drive passed it so easily by accident. I wouldn’t recommend the IGCSE’s because virtually none of the colleges take external candidates for IGCSE exams and the exams are very expensive. I had no choice but to do the IGCSE version because that was the only one in the subject which I needed. I’m doing the law one because then I have five gcses at c or above to get onto a higher level. When I pass Maths it will be six gcses, however, it’s always better to aim higher because if you fall down on grades in one of the subjects then failing it won’t be such a major disaster. I will still have five gcses at a C or above even if I fail the law one. I have to retake the Maths one until I can get it because that is a requirement. I have English at a grade C, Psychology at a grade C, Sociology at a grade B and Biology at a grade C. I barely had any schooling so I don’t expect to get A grades. I’m saving my best performance for the higher levels of education. I am still undecided about whether I’m doing an Access or A Levels yet. I can get onto an A Level programme for free providing I have the minimum of five GCSEs and above… whereas the Access requires a higher education loan which may be written off if you go on to study at degree level but I don’t like the thought of getting into debt when it may not be necessary.

The most annoying thing about the writing thing is spending all night writing a contribution to a magazine and then being told yesterday that it may not be included for months because it depends on what editors decide to include in different issues. I do know for a fact that the poem I wrote will be in an edition of What’s Hot, London in Feb at some point because it’s a Valentines special. I think it’s a weekly magazine so it depends which week Valentines day falls and if they want their special to be before or after the day.