I put the letter from my MP on the twitter and fb page earlier. I will put it on this post for non social network viewers. I wasn’t expecting an encouraging reply. I know for a fact that the things he’s mentioned in his reply isn’t going to help those of us on this ‘unrecognised’ part of the autism spectrum. Some of it may lead to more stigma. It would be helpful if we could all approach those in charge of indexing the international classification of diseases and related problems, and also the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders to get this condition officially recognised. Until it is officially recognised then those with it can be treated terribly for things that they can’t help without it being seen as discrimination or in some cases hate crime towards someone with a disability. Until we get a recognised diagnosis which covers all aspects of our behaviour issues then we will always be able to be kicked out of education places, children’s services will be able to take our children and we will get bullied and judged by others because there is simply no comeback against those that punish us for being born with a disability instead of helping us. It justifies others awful behaviour towards us. It justifies parts of the government denying us a full life. So we must tackle this within the next 5 years.
I work very hard despite what I’ve been through. The hours that I work are quite different from others. Midnight to 3 or 4 am is my most productive. I’m not earning money yet but I’m getting my name out there as a writer on volunteer writing projects. I don’t want to have to live my life with the attitude that is constantly out there. I would have loved to start going out to socialise etc but I can’t stand going out to do those things in the current climate out there. It’s got worse and worse out there so I have decided I don’t want to be a part of it. I’ve had all that I can take from people assuming that I’m an awful person and subsequently punishing me. I’m not strong enough to take it after being ill, so I’m staying away from any more of it. The things that have happened make me end up in tears regularly. The only person I would like as a friend in my life is the only person that I can’t have and that is soul destroying. It’s not like I want a relationship with them (despite what others have assumed). I’m not so clingy since I’ve matured. In fact, I am not bothered about centring my life around anybody. There are so many people out there that desire a relationship, but I really don’t. Okay, the things I’ve been through in my life doesn’t really help anyone want a relationship. I don’t think I could stand having one person around me for the majority of my personal life. I’m used to living on my own. That has been my life for many years. I don’t even get lonely anymore. I can’t think of what could be if I wasn’t this way but that would just upset me because my reality is forever single on my own. I’m happier when I have others in my life. I’ve seen it in photos. I also couldn’t work at night if I had a partner because I would wake them up using my laptop etc.
The other topic is female friendship groups. I’ve been part of two in my entire life and these are my feelings on them. It can be good to have a female friendship group but there are many not so positive aspects of being part of these groups for people with disabilities like autism, pda etc. The pack mentality of females can be a hell of a lot worse than males. The majority of females literally act like their joined at the hip of their mates and want to be with them a lot. I’m not like that. I only went to about 40% of the things when I was in both of the female friendships. I was never really included much because I’d turn offers down to spend time on my own. I accept the way that women talk about other women but when it comes but I don’t like it when it comes to plain unpleasantness about someone else being passed between them during their conversation. There a certain individuals, including myself, that have to try really hard to be socially acceptable without those kinds of things being said about them behind their backs. I’d love to be part of a female friendship group at some point again but I hate that behaviour. And when you fall out with one of them and the rest hate you as well. I also feel intimidated when other females lay into me or anyone speaks at me with attacking critical language.