I have had a few comments from various people over the last day about getting help for how I’m feeling. That isn’t going to actually help me. Help comes in many forms. It isn’t just helping the person directly. There is absolutely no benefit in helping me directly. I have stopped the outwardly expression of my issues which is what others have always wanted. It is the attitude of the others in society being changed which would help me a great deal. I want people to understand that I can’t function exactly like them. I shouldn’t have to feel that I can no longer be myself because I fear negative treatment/punishment from others. I don’t want to be treated like I have been and feel that I have to now mask who I really am to prevent myself being punished for who I am.
In these modern times it shouldn’t be like that. I know that people still get attacked for various personal aspects eg. skin tone and being lgbt. But, on the whole, those groups are given a lot more understanding than those of us that have issues with our brains. Creating more understanding and acceptance out there is what will really help me. If there was more of that out there then I wouldn’t have gone through the things that I’ve been through. I’m sorry but I can’t just ‘get over it’ after being thrown off of the university course I literally waited my whole life to get onto because I wanted to get into that career. Nor can I get over a person I confided in telling their mates all about my life and subsequently getting trolled. Then also having an order on my name that I did not deserve because I was retaliating to how I was treated. If others want to help me then they can make this kind of crap stamped out.
Why should those of us who are practically bullied for who we are be the ones that have to go for treatment? Those that do that to us actually need the training and told how to be. I know that I can’t ever unleash my ocd traits at full force again but a little understanding wouldn’t go amiss. I may never gain paid employment because of my record. If there had been more understanding out there then there would have been no need to label me a criminal. If I’d have been labelled with the correct part of the Autistic Spectrum in the first place then I’d have been able to access the support to avoid all those experiences. I’m sorry but I cannot help but be affected by the horrendous things I’ve been through due to the lack of understanding within society. It is completely normal to be hurt by those things. I’m having a normal reaction to the pain, suffering and even humiliation after what the last person did to me. I’m not abnormal in that respect. I am certain that I won’t ever trust another human being ever again. I’d really love to be in a relationship but there is no way that I ever can be now because I have no trust whatsoever for anyone else. I can’t even make close friends with anyone because I’m scared they’ll talk about my personal business out there and I will be humiliated again. That will be a lonely life but it is the only way to protect myself to being subjected to bullying and humiliation again. I never had any ill intent or wanted anything sinister. I only ever wanted a friend. I don’t want a friend anymore because of the pain that it’s made me subjected to. Therefore I am content to be on my own.