I couldn’t wake up until extremely late today. I was just stupidly exhausted. I can’t go on like this because I sleep most of the time and don’t get anything done. I managed to do my next Maths paper but not any of my other revision. I don’t think I have all of my Maths paper correct but at least I have attempted it. As long as I get enough by the time of my exam in just over a week then I’ll definitely pass even if it is just by scraping through. They’re making it harder each year so I’m hoping that the paper we get to do isn’t too hard in areas where I am weak, Even if we pass, we cannot move onto level 2 until we have a diagnostic assessment. If we pass that then we get onto the level 2 programme and if we don’t then we get put in to a pre level 2 class to build up more slowly to the exam. In a way it is a good idea because we all have different levels of education.
In my case I do not have a lot but can learn things at a slower pace. I’m fine once I understand something but it’s just getting to that point. I can’t learn things all in one step. I have to keep looking at what I’m learning before it really sinks into my head. It isn’t easy when I’m constantly tired. I feel like by the time I’ve made myself get up, because of the cats feeding time and other obligations, I’m unable to catch up with everything I’ve meant to do. If I’m going to take on paid writing things or start doing my own writing projects (eg. books) for profit, then I am going to have to be able to be awake to manage my time between studying and other things. I even thought about trying to make my own jewellery line. I have all the things left over from when I used to go to classes to learn to make jewellery. I have to rely on what I know if my benefits do get cut. I can write. I can make jewellery to a certain point.
I won’t be able to do anything if I’m exhausted all the time. I have four weeks to make a decision before PIP is scheduled to come up with their decision. I do want to get into work and when I manage to get my diagnosis swapped from Aspergers to PDA officially I will then be entitled to the more appropriate support. I have the mentor from SOVA helping me to get recategorised. I have the probation groups at the moment but I have to get a reassessment asap to be able to access the services that I can’t while labelled Aspergers Syndrome. I won’t be entitled to the tailored support for PDA until I’ve officially been diagnosed with that. I know that I’ve got it. I’ve read everything and the description sounds like me. I’ve got other people to look at it who have known me most of my life and they can see me in the description too. I have had many people tell me that I am not quite Asperger Syndrome because half of it wasn’t me. I have hope for the future but I always remember what I’ve been through and realise that things may always be overshadowed with negative things.
I also hate the fact that I can pick things up. I got one of those feelings where I felt something bad was about to happen today. It took hours for me to get it out of my head and being in a constant anxious state naturally anyway then these kinds of feelings make my anxiety go through the roof.