I’m so close to quitting my education because the way I feel right now is causing my performance to suffer. I have just marked my maths paper and I did too badly to pass. I haven’t revised for my law one in weeks. I am too easily distracted at the moment. I can’t push things to the back of my mind because it don’t stay there. I only haven’t given up because I just want to get the basic education requirements that I need. I’m not keen on still trying to get them by the time I’m 40. I have one shot at the law gcse because it’s being discontinued after this year. They’re making the maths papers harder every year.
Foundation type maths are not the same now. It is so much harder. I’m awful enough at maths anyway so I feel that it’s stopping those of us with weaker skills being able to get jobs due to English and maths grade c or above being a requirement for nearly every job now. I’m highly doubtful that those with learning disabilities will ever be able to pass these things now. I think that I will struggle because of the way the questions are written. There has got to be an alternative route because years ago there was and people still managed to get jobs which didn’t require English and maths at a certain grade. I know that unis never used to require those grades and a levels. I could do open uni but I don’t think it is for me. I want to go back to mainstream university one day. That is why I’m going to try to get an official diagnosis of Pda. It will mean that I am entitled to the different kind of support that I’m unable to access being catergorised as Asperger’s. I have to change my diagnosis to get what I need.
I’m finding every day a huge uphill struggle because I’m depressed and always anxious. I’m haunted by the past and I’m scared that the future will never bring the changes that I need. I don’t want things to stay as they are and I can make an effort to change things but others have to at least meet me halfway.