One of those ‘I’m so fed up’ days! (One of my legendary rants)

I didn’t even want to go out of bed today. On a positive note I got 37 out of 45 on my last practice paper for Maths. I had to go to get a quote for my smashed bumper. It is going to cost me nearly 400 pounds to get it fixed. I then got in a really down mood because I’m sick of having to pay for damage which I didn’t cause. I had to pay compensation to someone when I was discriminated against in the first place. I’ve had enough of otheare taking advantage. I have been far too nice. Others have let me down and then blamed me for things. I literally won’t say anything to call them on it because I’m too shy when I’m face to face with another person. It doesn’t mean that they their behaviour has been okay. I know I’ve had my issues but there are so called normal people who are abusive in nature and don’t get punished for it.

They get to see their kids etc, I have a disability which caused it and I’m set to most likely never see my son ever again or even the person that I miss because of legalities set to continue for life. I don’t deserve it because I only retaliated to how I was treated. Others don’t know how lucky they are. Professionals kids that are protected from this horrible system because their parents know influential people and are aware that it is a huge mistake to ask the system for help. Then there are us that have to settle for a life full of painful experiences that were never necessary because the system gets paid for quotas like the criminal justice system. It pays more to punish someone in the system than help them. I’m on a 117 aftercare thing due to my past which means regardless of whether I get the right services the council gets paid for me just being alive in their area.

I’ve had to pay for my education as an adult because I was denied my education and then punished for my lack of understanding  when I was never able to go to school enough to learn the social education that other kids take for granted. I am taking advantage of the maths which I am getting for free so at least getting that gcse won’t cost me anything. I’ve had to struggle the whole of my life and be subjected to the awful assumptions made by others who just haven’t a clue what it’s like to have autism and combined learning disabilities. The assumptions that I’m incapable. I’m capable if I’m supported to learn what I need to in order to be able to have a normal life. That isn’t ever the reality of the so called Support. The reason things have got extremely bad on occasions back in my teenage years was because of how I was treated. I wasn’t taught what I didn naturally learn. I was continually punished and those things that were in the paper a decade ago was the result of an individual with special needs being punished over and over again until they snapped back.

I was bullied and punished for being noticeably different throughout my schooling. It wasn’t just by the other students but also by the staff. I wasn’t intelligent or sporty so that made me even more of a freak. I’m going to be punished for life by an indefinite order but I bet the university and everyone else involved didn’t tell the other person involved how awfully I was treated to get to the point of laying into her. They’d rather make me look the awful one. I could run their autism department better than it has ever been ran but they see me as the enemy so they won’t take me up on that offer.

I was promoted to management after only 3 months of being involved in the creative art project. Ok I do not get paid but giving me that position shows that I have impressed the boss with my skills enough to get that position after such a short time. It’s a project for peoole with mental health issues and I got given my position because I’m understanding and do what I was asked around the boards. I have proven myself to be reliable. Okay I haven’t always been reliable but I am now.  I have become more reliable and less reactive since maturing. I had a very low patience threshold when I  was younger. I’ve just finished my 2 and a half hour gym session. I know that it is most likely not the brightest idea as I wasn’t well yesterday but I eventually felt up to it today. This makes your mind and body stronger so I make sure that no one can ever bully me again. I’ll be too strong to let any of outside influences bullsh*t get to me. On the plus side, my hair feels really silky after my workouts. It was a bit dry when I straightened it last night.