I know more now…

I am now aware that people have been making fun out of me and spreading twisted truths for approximately over a year. I went through the assgo website email account last night because I haven’t checked it for quite a while. I found an email from a website visitor that also lives quite locally telling me that some people had added him and was spreading malicious rumours about me. If I hadn’t checked that email but just closed the website in March then I wouldn’t have known. I have found out so much that I didn’t know over the past 6 months. I’m disgusted at the behaviour of other people. Others call me nasty things but they’re doing exactly the same thing but with malicious intent, therefore they cannot say I’m the awful one. I’ve made my mistakes out of naivety and lack of experience. I was bullied extremely badly at school when I was growing up here. I was retaliating to how I was treated. I have tried to explain the ins and outs of my past and what led to those situations but others refuse to listen and just stick to their opinion.

I can’t do anything more to make people listen to my side of things. I have even admitted to being an awful teenager (which I was, but that can be said for a lot of teenagers). I never did anything in malice, that isn’t who I am. That isn’t who I wish to be. I do get angry and frustrated because of the difficulties that I experience due to my autism and learning disabilities combined. That has got me into trouble because I’ve got so frustrated and angry at things I couldn’t do and others refusing to see that certain things aren’t ever going to be natural behaviour for me. I especially blow up at people (not physically, mostly in written word) when I’m up against a brick wall of policies that don’t make allowances for things I find difficult. Or if people are making things more difficult for me when it comes to difficulties that I have.

If I’d had a choice I wouldn’t have returned to this area. I never wanted to come back because of the small minded idiots that have nothing better to do than gossip about others. I wish that some of those people could look at themselves and see how sad they really are. They’ve spent their whole lives in this area. The small towns in which they were born in are all that they know. They were born here and they will reside here until the day that they die. I made a life away from this area. I was always ambitious and wanted more than what this area had to offer. I bet if the truth was known then ever since I came back to this area tongues have been wagging and everyone that I know has been approached to drag into that gossip. Well, I’d just like to say one thing. I’d appreciate it if you all finally go and pick on someone else. I refuse to be the subject of your childish gossiping. Some of us have moved on and dealt with our issues (despite it having taken years). I no longer have time to be subject to this childish behaviour. There are things others have been bringing up that happened years ago… in fact over a decade ago. Those that keep gossiping about it should grow up as most of you should be mature enough to know better because a lot of them are much older than me. You’ve condemned me since a child and now I’ve had enough. It goes beyond gossip when you add those that know me to social networks and trying to turn them against me. That is verging on vindictive and bullying. I’m really not interested in acting childish like those that are doing it to me. I just want to make it clear that I am aware of many things that have happened behind my back now.

Then my probation officer wants to encourage me to be involved in groups with others who have Asperger Syndrome. I’m very reluctant in this area because of things I’ve found out. I know for a fact that I will be subjected to bullying and after my school days I won’t ever allow it. I’m not even prepared to put myself in that position. I refuse to be in social groups where I know people are most likely whispering and being two faced behind my back. I don’t want to be around fake people who call me all sorts behind my back and spread vicious rumours that aren’t true. I want to be referred to the work programme which was the original plan so that I can be within ‘normal’ society again. That is actually what I want. The place specialises in giving ex offenders work placements and if you’re any good it can lead to a job. I know that I have the management job at the creative art project online but it’s not going out there which is what I need more. I’m going to let her find places but then I’m going to say I’m not keen on it because I have thought about it.