I have barely done anything today. I went for a two hour walk but when I got back I felt exhausted but not managed to have a nap yet. Again I woke up this morning and the bedroom lamp was off. It’s weird because I know that I didn’t turn it off. Yesterday I woke up and it was on. However both days I woke up during the weekend it was off. I woke up attached to a cat this morning. Both of mine always go to sleep next to me during the night. Mister had hooked his paw to my pj top arm. I turned over and his front leg came with me. The funny part was he didn’t wake up. That shows how comfy he felt and he looked like he was in a deep sleep. I have moved him from my chair to the bed before without him waking up. He’s such a lazy cat. He’s let his sister catch a mouse or bird etc and then bought it in pretending he had caught it for me. It’s also funny because he’s a wimp compared to the other car. Mimi is tiny yet he will run and hide, whereas Mimi will go towards the threat either staring it out or hissing at it. A lot of times that threat is Dave who is the cat which turned up on my doorstep and has half moved in.
This exhaustion is getting to me though. I need to do the housework and some college work but I just can’t do it. My energy levels aren’t even getting higher eating anything. I can normally get a bit by eating but that’s not working today. I miss the days when I had some energy stores left. I wish that I’d have made the most of those days when I had energy and wasn’t constantly exhausted. The last burst of proper energy I had was trying to persuade the other person to drop the restraining order or at least amend it so it wasn’t for life. Then I get punished for that and the stress of everything just took the rest of my energy away. Remember I was shoved in a cell because I was petrified of going to court for breaking it so I kept avoiding the court date. I let go because I do not have the energy to try to make my point anymore to persuade others I do not deserve it. I have made it clear what I want and I’m no longer going to spell it out again. This illness is at a stage where I could do with others support rather than slating. If others aren’t prepared to do that then I can’t be bother with them. I haven’t the energy to deal with people throwing crap at me for the past. There is a good chance that behaviour issues were just the beginning of all this I’m experiencing now. At least my ocd emailing has finally gone because I am too exhausted to use my energy for things like that. That is what others wanted so now I’m kind of controlled enough to be friends with… anyway, I must go to feed the cats as Mimi keeps getting up and checking to see if I’ve noticed it’s their feeding time yet and I can hear mister moving around.