I feel quite rough because I have pushed myself too hard quicker than I think I was actually ready. I felt like I could do it but it seems to have knocked me for six. I didn’t go for a nap this afternoon because I was trying to go back to the things that I used to do. I went for my two hour walk to the supermarket in the town next to me and back. I may have tried to go back to normal too quickly because I felt sick this evening. I’m feeling so cold. I’ve got an awful memory right now because I look at the GCSE Law stuff and it’s just not easy to learn. I also keep having blank moments where I forget stuff randomly, eg. my bank card pin which I’ve had for over 2 years. I’ve not even done Maths revision yet but I seriously need to do some because I have my exam for level 1 in February.
I just can’t concentrate very well at the moment. I’ve got the worse nails right now. I’ve got breakage in the middle of the a few of my nails which threads towards the centre of them. I’ve tried to use nail glue to repair them but I think it’s not going to actually fix the issue. They really shouldn’t be like that anyway. It’s a thing that always happens when I’m getting ill. I refuse to let it beat me though. I’m still going to try to not have a nap in the afternoons. I’m not as exhausted as I was a few weeks ago. I just want to feel better. I cannot stand my coordination being the way that it is because sometimes I can’t even walk without falling over my own feet.
I am hoping so much that I can reverse these weaknesses that are starting to appear. I refuse to accept that this is it. I know what is wrong with me but I’m just not being ‘public’ about it. It has something to do with me closing the ASSGO website in March this year. I don’t mind blogging but I’m just not up to running an online thing anymore. I do not mind doing the voluntary things which I do with others because that doesn’t solely put pressure on me. I just think that it is time for me to be out there as an individual rather than running a website. I am limited to what I can do as someone running a website on Asperger Syndrome etc. However, marketing myself as an individual gives me so many more options. I will just have to see how things go because I’m not that trusting of others so I won’t ever show the whole of me on here or in my offline life.
I must go now because I’m falling asleep and don’t think that anything I’m typing is reading back as if it’s making any sense. I did say that I’ve pushed myself so hard that I cannot function anymore.