I woke up hopeful because the day started off positively. Then after this morning things progressively got worse. I couldn’t remember my pin code for my card at my hairdresser appointment. I had to Paypal her the money over. I later remembered it but I get scared when my mind just goes blank like that. The problem is that it seems to be happening more and more. I fear that eventually they won’t blank moments but instead complete blankness. It may be that I’m still tired because two nights ago I literally only slept for 45 minutes, but I shouldn’t be tired due to having about 3 hour naps during the day. The weather is depressing this afternoon. It’s dark and rainy so I may just go for a nap this afternoon.
Then I heard on the news about that car smash in the county next to us which happened early this morning. I normally don’t really think about news of accidents on the radio or television but when I heard one of the woman’s ages I got worried. I start thinking that I really do not want it to be the other person that I miss who I can’t see because of the order. I may not be happy with them at the moment due to how things, but I do still care. I would never wish the other person harm. I feel bad enough for what harm I caused by accident by trying to wind them up when I was annoyed about being kicked out of university. I would never wish anything like that on anyone even in anger because I know how powerful words can be and how malicious intent can create negative energy which in turn can cause things to happen. I just got told by a friend that if it was the other person that was in that crash they would probably try to haunt me to get their own back. I haven’t had anything thrown at me or things happen yet so I’m hoping it’s not the other person. I have a feeling but I hope I’m not picking that up because that would make carrying on with life even harder for me. It’s too horrific to even think about. The other person could have been out with others at that hour because I know that there are no lectures at the University on a Friday. I feel so sick just thinking about it. I never got to make it up with them and things would feel so unfinished and forever. Surely I would know for sure being able to feel things. But I do feel something and it’s making me afraid of the worse case scenario that I really do not want to have happened.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 