The reason why I am so different nowadays which may appear as emotionaless and uncaring to some.

I may appear unsympathetic at times but this is only because I had no shoulder to cry on when things were going wrong in my life. Here are a few examples as to why I now do this:

At college when I was living in another area just after I lost my father I had a friendship group with a few girls on my media course. We fell out because I couldn’t tell a lie or any sort of untruth when asked straight out by one girl about what was going on with another of them who hadn’t been into college. I was pushed out of the group and the girl that made me tell her things said some awful things to me. She knew my Dad had just died and that I lived in a residential home.  And I was open about my disability.I went and reported it to the college because it was so horrible. She sent me a message via fb telling me that my dad is probably better off dead because having a daughter like me must be awful and that is probably why I was sent off to a Care home. That one always wanted an excuse to kick me out the friendship group and she knew that my condition meant that if I was asked something straight out I’d answer it applying no filter. I remember that when she gave out presents to the rest of the group I wasn’t included. I had that in another Group of  female friends I made at a college when I was living here before I left. I later got told that those girls were both jealous of me because they were both over weight and not that pretty or talented in anything. I hate the way girls are like that. I don’t think I’ve ever met another female that hasn’t bitched me. I don’t like it or indeed need it because I struggle with my confidence and anxiety severe enough.  

Also, the other reason is what happened 3 years ago after I lost my son. I was open with the university and the tutor about what happened with my sons adoption etc. I was punished for how it all affected me and the person I thought that I could rely on majorly let me down and then reported me to the police for getting pissed off about that and saying things I didn’t mean. The things I chose to say were just randomly chosen from one of their lectures. There was no malicious intent. I was angry at being let down so I had to wind them up with something awful. I don’t deserve a restraining order. I just want to be friends, but other females are so unforgiving. They bitch between each other and then they just get more wound up at something that another person did because of extreme circumstances which they have no idea about. I was pushed into breaking and saying the things I did. I’ve suffered enough okay.